It is hard to not be bombarded with engagements and wedding with social media and reality TV. Happiness is a choice, so you can chose to be a Bitter Betty or you can decide to be happy. I have been seeing so much bitterness in single communities lately. It inspired me to share how to live single and happy.
One of the biggest mistakes women make is putting their lives on hold while waiting for their Prince Charming. Don’t push the pause button on living your life because you are waiting for someone to create your happily ever after. Start living your happily ever after right now.It is impossible to live happily ever after and be a Bitter Betty at the same time. Now this is not to say that when living single you will never feel a pang of envy or longing. However, you can decide to revel in your bitterness, or you can decide to live happy.
It takes courage to truly live being single. Having to take trips by yourself, planning for the future, and not hold back on any of your goals. A question you should really ask yourself is won’t I be happier doing this alone then with an ex who made me unhappy? Won’t I be happier achieving my goals then living on pause?
One of the most important things to remember is living single DOES NOT mean living alone! I would never be who I am or where I am without my fierce lady tribe. My tribe is an equal mix or married and single. My married friends never judge me, they never make me feel like a third wheel, and most importantly they never make me feel damaged. Living your happily ever after is so much easier with a tribe who supports you.
Prior to being happily single, I could not list things that I was passionate about. Having to tell someone what my hobbies were? Impossible. I never took the time to figure all of that out. Pursue your passions. Begin doing things you have always wanted to. Put your baggage to rest, deal with whatever lingering issues you have with your ex or relationships in general deal with it now.
Lastly, living happily ever after single, does not mean that you do not eventually want to find someone. It means you cannot be consumed with meeting the perfect person and going through the motions of life until you do. Take advantage of the time you have by yourself and live your life to the fullest.
Check out my blog What I Have Learned Being Single. http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/what-i-have-learned-being-single/
Until next time….
The word victim portrays people as weak, people who were exploited. Yes, anyone who has lived through any type of abuse, sexual, physical, verbal, mental the list goes on were exploited. Yet, they LIVED. The word victim deceives people into thinking there was no strength there. This is why I hate the word victim.
Survivor. Warrior. Fierce. These are the words to be associated with people who have lived through the aforementioned abuses. People can sympathize with these survivors, but they cannot empathize. No one can understand the chilling fear that you can feel in your bones, except for another survivor.
I myself am a survivor of physical, mental, and verbal abuse. There are several women who are close to me who have survived the same abuse as I have, along with others who have survived other types of abuse. Not one of those women considers themselves victims. They all know that they are fierce warriors, survivors. Now I am not saying that survivors are strong immediately, it is a long, hard, heart wrenching road.
The word victim is associated with shame and a sense of embarrassment. We have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. We survivors are proud and we are strong. What we have lived through has given us a strength that is hard to imagine possible. However, we have not allowed that strength to make us hard. Rather we have become empathetic.
Survivors do not want or need sympathy. Please do not pity us. The word victim correlates to sympathy and pity. Another reason I hate the word victim.
Why should survivors of abuse not be able to share their stories? Who decided that women should not be able to hold their heads up high and say I survived, and became even better for it. Especially not to be allowed to help other women know that there is hope?
I was blessed to have someone close to me when I left my abusive relationship, who was also a survivor. I do not know if I would have had the strength without her understanding and her sharing her story of survival with me.
How sad that in this world all of this shame, the stigma is placed with the “victim” and not the abuser. While the person who should be ashamed is the one who was so small and broken, that they had to crush another to feel powerful. That is the person who is weak, not the ones who survive. Hence this is why I hate the word victim.
Alright, who doesn’t like to go shopping? Online shopping? Even better. When it comes time to pay however we might not be so happy. So, what if I told you there was a way to make money just by shopping? No this is not a scheme or a joke. You gotta Ibotta!
When you download Ibotta using https://ibotta.com/r/wmtindl
or the code wmtindl you will automatically get $10! After redeeming $20 you can automatically transfer that money to your pay pal account. Then, you can transfer the money directly to your bank account all at no charge. You are already half way to your first redemption just by signing up!
So here are a few of my favorite stores to make money while shopping.
Amazon – Who thought Amazon could get any better? Now you can earn cash back on your Amazon purchases using Ibotta.
Doordash! Yes, 10% back on your orders.
Walmart – Another store that we all shop at.
Whole Foods Market
The Fresh Market
Sprouts Farmers Market
1-800 Flowers – Making money while spending it on others? Awesome!
At any given time there are offers available at over 300 stores
Don’t forget to look at the bonuses. I have already earned $25 in bonuses alone. All you have to do is activate the offers you qualify for and scan your receipt by taking a picture of it or scanning the code at the bottom of the receipt. All online shopping you do through Ibotta tracks automatically. You don’t have to do a thing.
Invite friends to join. When they do using your code not only do you get a bonus, but they become a part or your team. The bigger your team, the faster you earn. The more friends on your team, the easier it is to earn your Teamwork bonuses, each and every month.
No one has time for coupon cutting anymore. It doesn’t get any easier than this! Make money every time you shop. You gotta Ibotta!
Until next time…
Mental health is such a broad topic. People are taught not to talk about having mental health issues. There is no shame in living with mental illness. I myself suffer from several mental health issues. Living with mental illness is manageable. You can still have a “normal” life living with mental illness.
My father passed away when I was 17, right at the beginning of my senior year. That is where my battle with depression first began. The anxiety and PTSD came later in life. Luckily when I began suffering from depression, my mother saw that I was in trouble and tried to get me help. I was young and very angry. Therapy is something I wouldn’t entertain, but did begin taking antidepressants.
Today, I am on antidepressants and anxiety medications. One of the best decisions I ever made was staying on these medications. That doesn’t mean that it was easy, or that I never went off of my medications. There were times trying new medications that I gained so much weight, I only got more depressed and angry.
During the times I went off of my medications, I was so tired, depressed, and just ugh that I literally couldn’t even get out of bed. Suffering from depression and at that point anxiety was always embarrassing to me. Going to therapy was humiliating. Thank God I’ve grown past that.
Maybe it was when I’m was not allowed to take my medications anymore that I realized how important they really are. My ex was extremely abusive and controlling. He bullied me into no longer taking my medications because “they made me weak and were unnecessary”. I stopped taking my medications.
After a long time being off my meds, I was so anxious I could peel my own skin off, so depressed I couldn’t think clearly, I decided I couldn’t live like that anymore.
Without my exes knowledge, I went to the doctor and got new prescriptions. My ex went through my purse when I was sleeping and found them. The next day he let me know he found them. He berated and embarrassed me. Then, the final blow, he told me he counted all of the pills. My ex allowed me to hold on to them, but I couldn’t take them. He would count them while I was sleeping. Little did I know at the time, he did this so he could keep me “off”. If he kept me not at my best mentally, I wouldn’t leave. This however is a story for another day.
I eventually left my ex. First stop was to a therapist. Getting my prescriptions refilled was my next stop. Unfortunately, it was at this time that I was diagnosed with PTSD by my therapist. When a person lives in an abusive relationship, they are afraid to speak, laugh, or even breathe. Walking on constant eggshells like that is one of the causes of PTSD. Obviously, the screaming, fighting, and physical violence are also a big part. To this day if someone comes up behind me and startles me I can easily go into a panic. Loud fighting can put me over the edge.
It was at this point that the real work came. Medication is not a cure-all. Lifestyle is a huge part of keeping my depression and anxiety at bay. Exercising, sleep, and even diet play a part in staying healthy when living with mental illness.
My sister would walk with me every day. I began journaling weekly at least. Therapy was no longer something that I fought, I actually embraced it. There were numerous self-help books I read back to back. It was a long road, paved with heartache and tears.
But do you know what? It worked, I still struggle, but I am doing the best I ever have done. That is not to say that I do not still have bad days, believe me I do. When I have a bad day now, I am more equipped to handle it. On a day that I am depressed and anxious, I do not allow myself to stay in bed and feed my depression. I force myself to get up, go for a walk, and face the day. I fight falling back into depression.
Mental health issues are no longer as taboo. It shouldn’t be embarrassing. There are so many resources out there today. Living with mental health issues is not easy. It takes work and commitment. What worthwhile in life doesn’t though?
May is mental health awareness month. Mental health issues do not make anyone less of a person. Here is a list of things to know when living with mental illness.
1. You are not alone!
2. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, neither is talking about it.
3. Your illness does not define you, your strength does.
This link gives resources to find the help you might need. http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/resources
Until next time…