Addicted To Helping: Why I Needed To Stop Trying To Fix People

Addicted To Helping: Why I Needed To Stop Trying To Fix People

Looking back at my life, I realize that I am forever trying to fix people, or save them. It has actually become a running commentary with those I care about. The reason being is because 90% of the time I end up getting hurt trying to help others.

Addicted To Helping: Why I Needed To Stop Trying To Fix People

Am I a natural caregiver? Yes. However, after doing a lot of reading and even talking to my therapist about it I realized something. I think that deep down it is a way for me to show my love.

Prostrating myself at the needs of others has become normal for me. No matter what the problem is I will bend over backwards to try to fix it. 

You’re broke? Here I will give you money. 

You’re hurting? Here let me drop everything to make you feel better. 

You need time to figure things out? I’ll stand in the wings waiting for you to make the right decision, no matter the disrespect. 

Addicted To Helping: Why I Needed To Stop Trying To Fix People

I have been doing a lot of soul searching. What I have realized is that I can still be a good person and a great friend without trying to save the world. Especially at my expense. We teach the world how to treat us. If we tolerate always being expected to come to the rescue, or put everyone else’s feelings first, that is how we will be treated.

When you allow this trait or nurturing (which should be a good thing) to become self destructive, it can be a dangerous thing. This unhealthy version of being a caring person, now has warped our sense of love. Love begins to feel like a never ending stream of sacrifices.

Being caring and nurturing is one thing. Trying to fix people is something else entirely. We cannot change people, we cannot save people, and we cannot fix people. Those are things others must do for themselves. We cannot take on the emotional hurt that comes with watching them make mistakes, bad decisions, or not changing what is broken.

For my own sanity, I had to come to terms with the fact that I cannot fix everyone. It is not my job to fix everyone, and if it was it would be a crappy job, because more times than not I would fail.

I had to come to the realization that I had become addicted to being a martyr. I needed to have people around to help. At the end of the day, that is something I need to fix within myself.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. In order to keep my sanity and no longer be disrespected I realized I need to stop trying to fix people. I cannot want them to be healthy , safe, successful, yada yada more than they do for themselves.

This right here is the best when it pertains to trying to fix a person you are in a relationship with or trying to have a relationship with.

At the end of the day it can be someone you are dating, a friend, a co worker, or even a family member. You can still be supportive but make sure you keep boundaries. Do not try to fix them or save them. Let them know you wish them the best with their situation and you are there to listen. Leave it at that. Stop breaking your beautiful heart to see a smile cross a broken persons face.

Never let your caring personality be taken advantage of!! It is a beautiful thing to have a caring heart and try to help people but not at the expense of your mind, heart, and happiness. Until next time…

How To Survive Negativity

How To Survive Negativity

How To Survive Negativity

I don’t know about you, but there have definitely been times in my life when the negativity around me threatened to engulf me. As hard as it is not succumbing to the negativity being thrown your way, it is in the end your choice. And believe me the ones surrounding you with negative vibes, want nothing more than for you to drown in it. So here are some ways on how to survive negativity. 

via GIPHY

Family, friends, co-workers, romantic partners, it doesn’t matter who it is, stay away from negative people. Your response to me on that..I can’t just cut out my family, co-workers etc. You don’t have to necessarily. You can limit your interactions with them, or end an interaction when the negative vibes start coming.

via GIPHY

While it might seem personal, negative people in your life do not have a problem with you. Odds are they have a problem with themselves, hence why they are always negative. Not taking it personally is way harder than it sounds. I am infamous for taking things personally. It is something I work on daily.

via GIPHY


There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away; the battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it is with themselves.     
unknown

Start spending time with people who are positive. As we get older, it is harder to meet new people and make new friends. Actively seeking out positive people is important though.

via GIPHY

This next one is the hardest for me. Only you have control over how you react to situations that come your way. Change the way you think and change the way that you react. It is impossible to have a positive life with a negative attitude.

via GIPHY

Change the way you think, more importantly change the way you talk to yourself. Although these thoughts are automatic with practice and time, you can change them. How you think will directly affects how you live.

via GIPHY

When you run into Debbie Downer, Negative Nancy or Pessimistic Patty run! Negativity will envelope you before you know it given the chance. These are just a few ways that I survive negativity.

I'm not to picky, I just deserve better

I’m not to picky, I just deserve better

I'm not to picky, I just deserve better

Having been single for quite some time, I am often accused of being to picky. But why is being picky actually a bad thing? When looking for a long term relationship and not just a fling, shouldn’t we choose wisely? Besides, it’s not that I’m picky, it’s that I know I deserve more than what I’ve been offered so far.

 

 

via GIPHY

I am a self sufficient woman, who has family, friends, and two amazing dogs. My career is fulfilling. There is not one aspect of my life that I feel is lacking. So why should I settle?

via GIPHY

At this point it probably seems that I am light years behind others at my age and might never meet someone. I personally don’t believe that, however it definitely wouldn’t be the worst fate. I will not settle for the sake of not being single.

via GIPHY

Yes, I have a bad track record when it comes to dating. But I am grateful for it. Everyone of those ugly experiences taught me what not to tolerate. I am confident enough now to never allow certain behaviors again.

via GIPHY

Being a smart, funny, and moderately attractive woman, I know what I bring to the table. Why would I want to waste time on someone who doesn’t have a lot to offer as well?

via GIPHY

There is no rushing perfection, there is also no rushing finding “the one”. Taking my time for one of the most important decisions of my life is most certainly not being “too picky” it just makes sense.

via GIPHY

In addition to not being willing to settle, the next time I am with someone I want it to be long term. I would rather be alone and happy then involved and unhappy. The next time I fall in love I want it to last. That is worth waiting for.

I have changed many times in the past to fit into someone else’s life. I will never do that again. Being a chameleon isn’t fun. I like my life, who I am, and what I enjoy. If someone doesn’t fit into my life then they are not for me.

via GIPHY

Finding someone to spend the rest of your life with isn’t a race. There is no right time frame.

Is this the journey I thought I would be on at this point in my life? No. Am I upset that this is the journey I am on? Definitely not. I am learning, growing, and experiencing new things all of the time. Why settle with the wrong person, just to be with someone? Forever is a very long time to be miserable. I would rather be happily single, than unhappily coupled.

Come check out 30 Reasons Why It Is Great To Be Single In Your 30’s http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/30-reasons-why-your-30s-is-the-best-time-to-be-single/