A Letter To My Abused Self

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A Letter To My Abused Self

Listen here beautiful girl,

He doesn’t love you, he is incapable of love. A weak man cannot love a strong woman he won’t know what to do with her, and although you can’t see it now you are so strong. He is jealous of the light that burns inside you, all he can do is try to extinguish it.

You spend so much time finding the right makeup to cover the bruises, the right scarf to hide the choke marks, the shirt with the right sleeves to hide where he grabbed you so tightly, you can still see the imprint of his hands. You think that all of those things hide what he is doing to you from the rest of the world. You are wrong.

They see it. Many of them love you, but they cannot rescue you. You have to rescue yourself. You will not leave until you are ready, no matter how many people you lose, how many people plead with you, or how badly he beats you. But just know this, when you are ready the ones who love you will be there.

He has convinced you that you are so disgusting, so unworthy that no one but him loves you or will ever have you. He is wrong. You will see it clearly once you leave. There are so many people who love you and will help you. You will even love again.

The first time he beat you, he came to you after crying. He offered to turn himself in to the police. You thought he was sorry, he wasn’t. He just had to make sure you would stay. Now you almost look forward to the beatings because you know how good he will be to you afterwards. You will also be able to breathe for a minute, instead of holding your breath waiting.

No matter how well you clean the house, or cook a meal, or love him, it will never be good enough. The psychological torture and physical abuse will never stop, until you are gone or dead. He will almost kill you, more times than one. You need to keep your will to live.

You need to know that you are not crazy. He has already planted that seed in everyone’s mind so they will not believe you. But you know the truth, and so do they. He lies. About everything. The lies he tells you:

  • That didn’t happen.

  • If it did it, wasn’t that bad.

  • If it was, it wasn’t that big a deal.

  • If it was, it wasn’t his fault.

  • If it was, he didn’t mean it.

  • If he did, you made him do it.

When you do finally leave, it will be the scariest moment of your life. You will escape with literally nothing more than the clothes on your back. You will run like a terrified animal being hunted. No purse, no phone, no money, not even shoes on your feet. But how beautiful that moment will be.

You will get out alive, the road ahead of you will not be easy. Having to face reality versus the lies he told you will shatter you. You are not a victim, you are a survivor. You will put yourself back together from nothing. The new person you will create will be fearless, confident, and successful. She will be loved. Most importantly she will love herself.

Love,

Your future self

If you need help please reach out: National Domestic Violence Hotline https://www.thehotline.org/

 

17 thoughts on “A Letter To My Abused Self

  1. I hope that more women will feel empowered to leave and love themselves. The governments answer is to start teaching ‘respectful relationships’ in primary school. It’s a start and I’m looking forward to trying to change things with younger people, but we can’t school the grown up men doing these things 😩

  2. What an incredibly emotional and real post. This post has really hit me and made me think about what could’ve happened to me, how it could’ve gotten so much worse. I also have written a post on my experience which was similar to yours so I know the strength it takes to do what you did. Well done you for being stronger than you thought you ever could be and got out. You’re so incredible for that and for giving yourself a new lease of life! I wish you well on your healing journey🧡
    Alex x
    https://allthingsalexx.wordpress.com/

  3. Wow! Such truth in your words! Did you know that not all States in the US consider strangulation to be a felony? Slowly, states are coming on board and are writing it into their law books but there are still some who have not yet passed laws against strangulation. It is one of the most dangerous forms of abuse a victim can suffer. My nursing instructor in Kansas worked for the past couple of years and helped to get our state legislature to pass laws against it.

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