Looking back at my life, I realize that I am forever trying to fix people, or save them. It has actually become a running commentary with those I care about. The reason being is because 90% of the time I end up getting hurt trying to help others.
Am I a natural caregiver? Yes. However, after doing a lot of reading and even talking to my therapist about it I realized something. I think that deep down it is a way for me to show my love.
Prostrating myself at the needs of others has become normal for me. No matter what the problem is I will bend over backwards to try to fix it.
You’re broke? Here I will give you money.
You’re hurting? Here let me drop everything to make you feel better.
You need time to figure things out? I’ll stand in the wings waiting for you to make the right decision, no matter the disrespect.
I have been doing a lot of soul searching. What I have realized is that I can still be a good person and a great friend without trying to save the world. Especially at my expense. We teach the world how to treat us. If we tolerate always being expected to come to the rescue, or put everyone else’s feelings first, that is how we will be treated.
When you allow this trait or nurturing (which should be a good thing) to become self destructive, it can be a dangerous thing. This unhealthy version of being a caring person, now has warped our sense of love. Love begins to feel like a never ending stream of sacrifices.
Being caring and nurturing is one thing. Trying to fix people is something else entirely. We cannot change people, we cannot save people, and we cannot fix people. Those are things others must do for themselves. We cannot take on the emotional hurt that comes with watching them make mistakes, bad decisions, or not changing what is broken.
For my own sanity, I had to come to terms with the fact that I cannot fix everyone. It is not my job to fix everyone, and if it was it would be a crappy job, because more times than not I would fail.
I had to come to the realization that I had become addicted to being a martyr. I needed to have people around to help. At the end of the day, that is something I need to fix within myself.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. In order to keep my sanity and no longer be disrespected I realized I need to stop trying to fix people. I cannot want them to be healthy , safe, successful, yada yada more than they do for themselves.
This right here is the best when it pertains to trying to fix a person you are in a relationship with or trying to have a relationship with.
At the end of the day it can be someone you are dating, a friend, a co worker, or even a family member. You can still be supportive but make sure you keep boundaries. Do not try to fix them or save them. Let them know you wish them the best with their situation and you are there to listen. Leave it at that. Stop breaking your beautiful heart to see a smile cross a broken persons face.
Never let your caring personality be taken advantage of!! It is a beautiful thing to have a caring heart and try to help people but not at the expense of your mind, heart, and happiness. Until next time…