How Not To Lose Yourself In A New Relationship

Maintaining a strong sense of self when in a relationship is so important to your own personal health and the health of your relationship. This is something I have just recently come to learn. For the first time in my life it is also something that I have been able to put into practice.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married for years or are newly in a relationship, loss of self can happen through out a relationship. Falling in love is new and exciting. It is easy to get wrapped up and forget about you instead of we.

Making yourself a priority when you are in a relationship isn’t selfish, it’s imperative to not losing one’s self. That doesn’t meant that you do not make your partner a priority as well, but you can put you first without being self-centered.

DO NOT LET SPENDING QUALITY TIME WITH YOUR BESTIES FALL TO THE WAY SIDE!

How Not To Lose Yourself When In A Relationship

Spending time with amazing friends in Maui.

Your besties are your support group, your sounding board, and so much more. Your besties will also always be there for you, you don’t break up with or divorce your besties. Never stop spending time with them just because you are in a relationship.

DO NOT FORGET ABOUT YOUR FAMILY.

How Not To Lose Yourself When In A Relationship

Ladies night out with my sister and mom.

Even though your family may drive you crazy they will always be there for you. Don’t forget about them just because you are in a relationship.

DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOUR HOBBIES.

How Not To Lose Yourself When In A Relationship

Travel is my passion. This is me on a beach in Maui.

Falling in love is exiting and fabulous. Being in a relationship is great. You still need to make sure that you do not lose yourself in the relationship. Finding balance in life is about choosing priorities. Don’t forget to make yourself a priority.

Don’t forget to check out Fabulously In The Middle http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/fabulously-in-the-middle/

Fabulously In The Middle

Fabulously In The Middle
Once you love yourself, you will be ready for someone else to love you

So for all of my amazing followers, I started Fabulously Single when I began a journey of self discovery. I truly took time to discover who I am, to heal, and to grow as a person. While my journey is far from over, I have met an amazing man. This doesn’t mean that I will disappear into coupledom. It does mean that I need to figure out how to keep my independence while sharing myself with this great guy.

We’ve been dating for four months. So, while yes I have a boyfriend, I am not married or engaged. Hence, fabulously in the middle. I am going to continue working on myself, healing, and growing more confident.

One thing I have learned about myself in my time being single is that I often lose myself when in a relationship. So, I have made a conscious effort to make sure that doesn’t happen this time. It is definitely a balancing act. Finding the right mix of personal time, time with my family and friends, and time to grow as a couple.

Just having got back from Hawaii, Maui to be exact I really had some time to think about being fabulously in the middle. I planned this trip with a group of friends before I met my boyfriend. I went on the trip without him. I had an amazing time with my friends, tested my boundaries, and continued to grow. While I’m not saying I would not have enjoyed having my boyfriend there, I am saying that I am making a conscious effort to have me time and keep a healthy balance.

Don’t worry, I will still be writing. My upcoming blog is about how not to lose yourself in a relationship. Dating doesn’t have to be all encompassing. It is important to enjoy being fabulously in the middle. At the end of the day remember it is you who needs to love yourself and bring you happiness.

Check out How To Let Someone Love You http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/blogs/


How To Let Someone Love You

How To Let Someone Love You

How To Let Someone Love You

Having experienced some very bad breakups and even some not so great friendships, I have built some serious walls. My default mode is to push people away. I have had to make a conscious effort to let people in and more specifically to let people love me.

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I never fully felt like I deserved a healthy relationship or partner.

When ever someone got to close I would fight, flee, or freeze. I have been dating an amazing guy who is nice beyond belief. In the beginning I would literally feel like I was choking because I didn’t know how to accept his kindness and affection. My sister gave me some great advice. Just breathe through it.

Step one is actually very easy. Admit what you really want. Do not allow fear of being hurt or embarrassed stop you. A very good friend of mine would always tell me that a healthy relationship is what I really wanted. My own securities kept me from admitting that. (Until I met someone who was really a good guy and made me feel comfortable to admit it.)

Recognize your patterns. Personally, I know that I would push away anyone who was “to nice” or anyone who had their s*** together. As a result I also would find things wrong with men that I dated if I thought they were getting to close.

Communicate. Let the other person know you are struggling. Let them help you. If the person is worth it they will not judge you but love you through it.

Understand that dysfunction doesn’t equal love.

As uncomfortable as it is work on yourself. Build your confidence and self worth. You need to consider yourself worthy of being loved.

Letting go of past hurts and trauma can feel impossible. However it is necessary not only to you healing but to allowing someone to love you.

Real talk it does get easier but it hasn’t completely gone away. I still struggle with it. Luckily for me the guy I am dating is patient and kind. Also I have an amazing group of friends that know me and help me get through it without sabotaging things.

Come Check out How I found My Self Worth http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/finding-my-self-worth/

Love will always be a risk.  All things considered, it is worth it though. Living not allowing anyone to love you is a very lonely life. So take a deep breath… … and then have the courage to allow yourself to be loved.

Becoming The Person You Were Meant To Be

Becoming The Person You Were Meant To Be

Becoming The Person You Were Meant To Be

In today’s age of everyone’s perfect lives on social media, we find ourselves competing with unrealistic ideas of how our lives should be. Many of us also tone down or change who we are to make others happy, or to get the lives we think we want. Well, it’s exhausting. Becoming the person you were meant to be is imperative to finding happiness. 

So the question is how do we become the person we are meant to be? We see it all the time: Be You! Become Yourself! But no one actually shares with us how to do that. Whether it be sitting for hours and getting false eyelashes glued to your face (which I have done many times) or something deeper like changing who you are as a person, we all do things to change who we are. So how do we become the person we were meant to be. 

The truth is it won’t always be easy or pretty. It will take work. More importantly it will take making mistakes, failure, disappointment, reading (a lot), and that’s just to name a few. Remember to focus on the person that you are, and not the person you wish that you were.


“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.


E.E. Cummings

So take a minute and ask yourself, how do I stop being who I am not?

Stop working on trying to be normal and start working on being you. Be authentic.
You have to be honest with yourself about what you are passionate about and who it is you really want to be, despite what others think and the social “norm”.

You will odds are feel regret about things from your past. Don’t dwell on them. Use them as learning lessons and move forward.

Stop berating yourself. If you keep telling yourself that you cannot be something or are not worthy of something, it will be a self full filling prophesy. Your truth really is you can be anything that you put your mind to!


Find your truth.
 Every person has something they were born to do. You have a unique purpose for being here, and you have to find it.

So remember learn who you are, love who you are, and live who you are.

Finding My Self Worth

Finding My Self Worth

Finding My Self Worth

 I have been a people pleaser for as long as I can remember. The sacrifice has been to always make others happy at the cost of my mental and physical health, my own respect, and my own happiness. What I thought was my worth was based on what I gave to others. 

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Unfortunately most people took advantage of that, leaving me feeling sad, hurt, and angry at myself. Some unconsciously took advantage of it. At the end of the day I was always feeling empty, and not worth much.

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It took a very bad situation I got myself into, in order for me to realize that I needed to get help and change. My family and friends rallied around me. The common advice was I needed to see my self worth because I deserve so much better than my poor choices.

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I felt so badly at the time it was almost painful to hear how amazing they all think that I am. How worthy I am. I would shake my head and say yes, then cry by myself because I just wished that I could see myself through their eyes.

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So I started reading up on how to change my perception of myself and how to change my behavior. It wasn’t easy. It was really hard to hear some of the things that I had to come to terms with. I had to hear them or I could never change my self destructive behavior though.

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One of the hardest things I had to acknowledge was that I would sexualize myself to get attention. Over the top makeup, lower cut shirts, tight bottoms, anything for attention. If I wasn’t getting looks and/or attention I felt terrible. Of course this is extremely embarrassing, especially because all I ever wanted was for one person to love me. My intention was never to be promiscuous, but I would feel validated with sexual attention.

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Friendships is another area that this destructive behavior was prevalent. Time and time again I have been absolutely heartbroken by so called friends. My family and friends have a running joke about me taking in strays. From the time I was in high school, I would take in friends who didn’t have a place to go. Making my family an involuntary part of my behavior. These “friends” that I took in stole from my family, myself, lied to me, and took advantage every way they could. If I could get back all of the money I have lent out and never received back I would probably be able to pay off all of my debt.

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Still for some ungodly reason, I would make excuses for these people and feel more worthless about myself.

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So, I took a couple of days to myself and did some soul searching. I pinpointed a lot of my destructive behaviors. Then I decided to get to work. I began doing exercises like writing a list of what I love, respect, and admire about myself. I downloaded an amazing app named Sanity and Self. https://www.sanityandself.com/ I began working on it every day. I know affirmations can make you feel stupid, but I tried it. Believe it or not they work! It’s about changing what you say to yourself and how you make yourself feel.

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Basing your self worth on others perpetuates an endless cycle of self hate. We all need to start somewhere. I have barely begun my journey and it is nowhere near over. It is something I need to work on every day.

Addicted To Helping: Why I Needed To Stop Trying To Fix People

Addicted To Helping: Why I Needed To Stop Trying To Fix People

Looking back at my life, I realize that I am forever trying to fix people, or save them. It has actually become a running commentary with those I care about. The reason being is because 90% of the time I end up getting hurt trying to help others.

Addicted To Helping: Why I Needed To Stop Trying To Fix People

Am I a natural caregiver? Yes. However, after doing a lot of reading and even talking to my therapist about it I realized something. I think that deep down it is a way for me to show my love.

Prostrating myself at the needs of others has become normal for me. No matter what the problem is I will bend over backwards to try to fix it. 

You’re broke? Here I will give you money. 

You’re hurting? Here let me drop everything to make you feel better. 

You need time to figure things out? I’ll stand in the wings waiting for you to make the right decision, no matter the disrespect. 

Addicted To Helping: Why I Needed To Stop Trying To Fix People

I have been doing a lot of soul searching. What I have realized is that I can still be a good person and a great friend without trying to save the world. Especially at my expense. We teach the world how to treat us. If we tolerate always being expected to come to the rescue, or put everyone else’s feelings first, that is how we will be treated.

When you allow this trait or nurturing (which should be a good thing) to become self destructive, it can be a dangerous thing. This unhealthy version of being a caring person, now has warped our sense of love. Love begins to feel like a never ending stream of sacrifices.

Being caring and nurturing is one thing. Trying to fix people is something else entirely. We cannot change people, we cannot save people, and we cannot fix people. Those are things others must do for themselves. We cannot take on the emotional hurt that comes with watching them make mistakes, bad decisions, or not changing what is broken.

For my own sanity, I had to come to terms with the fact that I cannot fix everyone. It is not my job to fix everyone, and if it was it would be a crappy job, because more times than not I would fail.

I had to come to the realization that I had become addicted to being a martyr. I needed to have people around to help. At the end of the day, that is something I need to fix within myself.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. In order to keep my sanity and no longer be disrespected I realized I need to stop trying to fix people. I cannot want them to be healthy , safe, successful, yada yada more than they do for themselves.

This right here is the best when it pertains to trying to fix a person you are in a relationship with or trying to have a relationship with.

At the end of the day it can be someone you are dating, a friend, a co worker, or even a family member. You can still be supportive but make sure you keep boundaries. Do not try to fix them or save them. Let them know you wish them the best with their situation and you are there to listen. Leave it at that. Stop breaking your beautiful heart to see a smile cross a broken persons face.

Never let your caring personality be taken advantage of!! It is a beautiful thing to have a caring heart and try to help people but not at the expense of your mind, heart, and happiness. Until next time…

How To Survive Negativity

How To Survive Negativity

How To Survive Negativity

I don’t know about you, but there have definitely been times in my life when the negativity around me threatened to engulf me. As hard as it is not succumbing to the negativity being thrown your way, it is in the end your choice. And believe me the ones surrounding you with negative vibes, want nothing more than for you to drown in it. So here are some ways on how to survive negativity. 

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Family, friends, co-workers, romantic partners, it doesn’t matter who it is, stay away from negative people. Your response to me on that..I can’t just cut out my family, co-workers etc. You don’t have to necessarily. You can limit your interactions with them, or end an interaction when the negative vibes start coming.

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While it might seem personal, negative people in your life do not have a problem with you. Odds are they have a problem with themselves, hence why they are always negative. Not taking it personally is way harder than it sounds. I am infamous for taking things personally. It is something I work on daily.

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There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away; the battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it is with themselves.     
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Start spending time with people who are positive. As we get older, it is harder to meet new people and make new friends. Actively seeking out positive people is important though.

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This next one is the hardest for me. Only you have control over how you react to situations that come your way. Change the way you think and change the way that you react. It is impossible to have a positive life with a negative attitude.

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Change the way you think, more importantly change the way you talk to yourself. Although these thoughts are automatic with practice and time, you can change them. How you think will directly affects how you live.

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When you run into Debbie Downer, Negative Nancy or Pessimistic Patty run! Negativity will envelope you before you know it given the chance. These are just a few ways that I survive negativity.

I'm not to picky, I just deserve better

I’m not to picky, I just deserve better

I'm not to picky, I just deserve better

Having been single for quite some time, I am often accused of being to picky. But why is being picky actually a bad thing? When looking for a long term relationship and not just a fling, shouldn’t we choose wisely? Besides, it’s not that I’m picky, it’s that I know I deserve more than what I’ve been offered so far.

 

 

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I am a self sufficient woman, who has family, friends, and two amazing dogs. My career is fulfilling. There is not one aspect of my life that I feel is lacking. So why should I settle?

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At this point it probably seems that I am light years behind others at my age and might never meet someone. I personally don’t believe that, however it definitely wouldn’t be the worst fate. I will not settle for the sake of not being single.

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Yes, I have a bad track record when it comes to dating. But I am grateful for it. Everyone of those ugly experiences taught me what not to tolerate. I am confident enough now to never allow certain behaviors again.

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Being a smart, funny, and moderately attractive woman, I know what I bring to the table. Why would I want to waste time on someone who doesn’t have a lot to offer as well?

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There is no rushing perfection, there is also no rushing finding “the one”. Taking my time for one of the most important decisions of my life is most certainly not being “too picky” it just makes sense.

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In addition to not being willing to settle, the next time I am with someone I want it to be long term. I would rather be alone and happy then involved and unhappy. The next time I fall in love I want it to last. That is worth waiting for.

I have changed many times in the past to fit into someone else’s life. I will never do that again. Being a chameleon isn’t fun. I like my life, who I am, and what I enjoy. If someone doesn’t fit into my life then they are not for me.

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Finding someone to spend the rest of your life with isn’t a race. There is no right time frame.

Is this the journey I thought I would be on at this point in my life? No. Am I upset that this is the journey I am on? Definitely not. I am learning, growing, and experiencing new things all of the time. Why settle with the wrong person, just to be with someone? Forever is a very long time to be miserable. I would rather be happily single, than unhappily coupled.

Come check out 30 Reasons Why It Is Great To Be Single In Your 30’s http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/30-reasons-why-your-30s-is-the-best-time-to-be-single/

My Journey To Self Love

My Journey To Self Love
Self Love is the new #relationshipgoals

When I used to think of self love, I thought about accepting and loving my body/my looks. Since starting on my journey to self love, I realized it is so much more than that. Learning to care for your mind, body, and soul is true self love. 

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If you struggle with self love like many of us do, I think it is important to do some soul searching. Try to figure out why you have a hard time loving yourself. If you can face something from your past, that makes it hard to love yourself, it will make it easier to get past it.

My journey to self love has been a constant battle. Finding it in me to say no to people, taking time to myself, instead of doing something to benefit others, and honestly figuring out what self love is personally. One thing I have learned in my journey, is that self love does not come easily or naturally. It is really something that needs to be worked at.


Going to the gym, excising, and eating healthy are habits that I have learned are necessary for self love. I do not do this for the perfect weight, complexion, or smile, but so I feel healthy. Yes, I exercise to maintain a healthy weight, but more importantly, I exercise for my anxiety and a good nights sleep.

One of the best things that has come from my journey to self love is my confidence has grown. I have also learned to steer clear of negativity. I do not care if it is friends, family, co workers, any one who brings negativity to my life is someone I do not want to be around.

The journey to self love will be different for everyone. Self love is not something we are born with, nor is it something we are usually taught at a young age. It is something we must discover for ourselves.

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Check out How To Begin Loving Yourself In 5 Easy Steps http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/how-to-begin-loving-yourself-5-easy-steps/

What I learned From My Last Breakup

What I learned From My Last Breakup








I had been single for quite a while until recently. In that time I had learned who I am, what I want, and most importantly to love myself. That was a game changer. I was comfortable being single. Having taken the time to learn those things about myself, is what actually allowed me to break off the relationship.

I just recently ended a six week relationship. There were a number of red flags during our brief time together. I was getting a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. I probably should have ended things even sooner, but the fact that I did end it as soon as I did was a total win for me.

Where in the past I would ignore these red flags and gut feelings, I didn’t look the other way this time. I ended the relationship. Granted he was extremely nice, had a decent job, and impressed my family. Yet, at the end of the day my stomach was in knots because something just wasn’t right.

So, I ended things. Here is what I learned from my breakup.

I have become to happy with my life to settle.

As much as I hate confrontation, I had to face the situation head on. It was important to be clear, firm, and kind. One of the important things that I learned was that I had to be clear that it was over, firm in not allowing him to get me to give him another chance, and kind so that I didn’t unnecessarily hurt him.

Listen to your gut. While others might say you are being picky, this is why you are alone, or you’re not giving someone a chance, don’t ignore your gut!

The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.

I am forever growing and continuously changing. I want to be defined by my accomplishments and not a relationship status.

For most of my life I have clung to relationships that were completely unhealthy. Thinking that I could “fix” the other person or if I loved them enough it would get better. Being a couple was better than being single, even if it wasn’t a healthy relationship. I learned this kind of thinking is just crazy!

Breaking up is not a reflection of my self worth.

Did Ariana Grande not nail it with her song Thank you, next? Even if every relationship isn’t the best it still teaches you something. Rather than staying angry, look back at the relationship with clear eyes and see what it taught you.

Check out Why it’s great to be single in your 30’s http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/30-reasons-why-your-30s-is-the-best-time-to-be-single/

Until next time…..