Surviving Christmas When You Are Single

Surviving Christmas When You Are Single

Surviving Christmas When You Are Single

Surviving Christmas when you’re single can be emotionally draining and difficult. Whether it is not wanting to show up single to events or dealing with nosy people. Which is why I’ve compiled a guide to getting through the Christmas season solo.

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First off, don’t overlook all of the benefits of being single during the Christmas season. There is no agonizing over what to but your partner, and better yet you don’t have to spend the money. Then there is the relief of not having to figure out or argue about how to split your time among the families. Best of all, you do not have to deal with the craziness of a family that is not yours!

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Having to walk into any big gathering during Christmas, whether it be a company party, or a relatives house can be daunting to say the least. You might feel like the entire room is staring at you, like some kind of spectacle. Let me tell you something, people are paying a lot less attention to you than you think. The secret is to let go and just enjoy yourself. More importantly let others enjoy you! Oh and there’s alway alcohol!

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Odds are you won’t be the only single person at these events. If you feel like you will be the only single person there, change it! Invite a friend to tag along.

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Have a comeback ready for nosy people, whether they be friends, family, or strangers. When questioning you on your love life or lack there off, remember, they are odds are not trying to be hurtful. Now of course there are some who might be, keep in mind if that is the case then they must be pretty miserable themselves. You can either answer in earnest (I haven’t found the right person yet) or in humor (I decided I didn’t want to spend a fortune on gifts this year).

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Try doing things that make you feel good about yourself. Sure, you can take all of that money you are saving on gifts and spend it on yourself. Treat yourself to a massage, facial, or pedicure. Or even better, volunteer. It is the season for giving. Not only will you be helping others, but you will automatically feel batter about yourself as well!

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Whatever you do DO NOT wallow! If you allow yourself to indulge in that negative behavior, nothing good will come of it. It will only get worse and you will find yourself on an ugly downward spiral. Plus, you don’t want people to pity you, you are to awesome for that!

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Being single is a relationship status, not a death sentence.

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So don’t freak out and don’t be a Grinch! Enjoy Christmas and your freedom to enjoy it however, wherever, and whenever you want!!

 

Until next time….

The Return Of The Douche Bag

The Return Of The Douche Bag

Do not fall for the return of the douche bag! He will come to you with fake apologies, even show you he’s not such a bad guy, he might even take you on a few dates. But at the end of the day he is still a douche bag.

He’s a legend in his own mind.  He thinks he’s a 10 when in reality he is just a sad 42-year-old man who cannot handle being with a real woman. He is incapable  of caring about the fact that he caused you embarrassment and pain.

You are nothing more than a game to him and that will never change. Now he is definitely charming, handsome, and witty so you want to believe that he is is the exception to the rule. He isn’t.

And you wonder why he can be so cruel as to play these games with you? Maybe, it’s because you make it so easy for him.

The douche bag is inherently selfish where he preys on women who will feed his ego and buys his time until he moves on to his next prey.

Don’t be too hard on yourself if you let them back in once. It’s  not your fault that he is an emotional cripple, a coward, a manipulator.

If they don’t choose you they lose you. Don’t waste your time waiting around for someone who is incapable of being a decent human being. Do not be someone’s back up plan and certainly do not be there second choice.

Please observe the douche bag in his natural habitat

The Return Of The Douche BagThe Return Of The Douche Bag

The Return Of The Douche Bag The Return Of The Douche Bag The Return Of The Douche Bag

The hallmarks of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are grandiosity, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration. … They may also concentrate on grandiose fantasies (e.g. their own success, beauty, brilliance) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder

Sound familiar? Yes it seems like The douche bag is also a narcissist.

UPDATE: prior to me publishing this, after writing it I found out that the Douche Bag is also engaged and living with his fiance and has a child with her. He proposed to her in April of this year. He admitted everything and had the audacity to apologize and ask if we could talk. Classic Douche Bag he told me how guilty he felt because I was such an amazing woman. Lets be real what he really wants is for me not to tell her and not to publish this blog post! To late, I already spoke to his fiance, who let me know he denied the entire thing. However, I was able to send her all of the text messages, photos, and his dating profile online. Goodbye Douche Bag!

Until next time….

The 20 Most Annoying Things Single Girls Are Tired of Hearing

The 20 Most Annoying Things Single Girls Are Tired of Hearing

The 20 Most Annoying Things Single Girls Are Tired of Hearing

While people generally want to be kind and encouraging to others, sometimes they can really put their foot in their mouth. I have heard these comments made by both single and married friends, family, and people who really don’t know me well enough to comment at all. While I cannot speak for women everywhere, here is my top 20 most annoying things single girls are tired of hearing.

 

1. “You? You’re single?!”

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Gasp, I know right.

 

2.”Why aren’t you in a relationship?”

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I don’t know, I just love my dog too much.

 

3.”Maybe you’re just better off single.”

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Um? Thanks, that makes me feel so much better.

4.”Being single is so much easier anyway.”

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Then why are you in a relationship right now…? And who takes care of you when you are sick and can’t drive? Your partner? Oh right.

 

5.”Take time to work on yourself first.”

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So….what are you saying I need to fix about myself?

 

6.”Girl, you are so much better than {Fill in your ex’s name here}.”

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I know I am, but that doesn’t help me find someone new. Or feel better about wasting a year of my life with him, but thanks!

 

7.”The second you stop looking for love, it will find you.”

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Please explain to me why I haven’t been looking for quite some time and here I am still single.

 

8.”Please let me set you up, I know the perfect person for you!”

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No, no, and no. Thanks anyway. The last person I agreed to let set me up, did’t know the guy was a felon.

 

9.”Stop being so picky, maybe that’s your problem.”

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Yes, let me completely lower my standards to be miserable with anyone, just so that I can be with someone.

 

10.”Don’t worry, it’ll happen.”

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Yeah, when? In another five years?

 

11.”There are plenty of fish in the sea.”

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Well first off I’m not a fish. I also don’t live in the sea. Lastly, just because there are plenty of them doesn’t make any of them normal.

 

12.”Maybe you aren’t putting yourself out there enough.”

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Well, not that it is any of your business, but I put myself out there all the time. I just don’t like to publicize all of my rejections.

 

13.”You just haven’t found the right person yet.”

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You don’t say…

 

14.”Everything happens for a reason.”

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That is possibly the least helpful, unoriginal advice ever. Also, now you have put me in an awkward position because there is no appropriate answer to this.

 

15. Well you should try this dating app instead, and let me see who you are choosing. They probably are the wrong choices.

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I’m sorry, are you single? Have you ever even used a dating app? I feel so much better, that you know me better than I know myself, of course you should swipe for me.

 

16. Do you really want to end up alone?

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Oh, I didn’t know because I am single at the moment, that means I will be single for the rest of my life. And if I do, would that really be the WORST thing in the world?

 

17. Be careful, or you will end up the old cat lady, followed by hysterical laughter.

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Oh my God, you are so funny, no one has ever said that to me before. Also, obviously you don’t know me very well. I will be the old DOG lady. Plus, animals are way better than people.

 

18. You know you do not need a man to have a baby, you should think about it before you get to old.

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What? Really? Why would you think that is an okay statement to make to anyone? Ever?  Enough said.

 

19. And that is why she is is still single.

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While not directed at you it still is very irritating. Here’s why: First of all it implies that there is something wrong with the social status of being single, Second of all, now I am wondering what you say about why I am STILL single when I am not around, and Third of all have you ever thought maybe she WANTS to be single?

20. You must have so much time on your hands.

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Yes, we singles do not have time we need to spend with a partner, and some of us do not have children to raise. We are however, not sitting around twiddling out thumbs with all of this extra time. We do not have anyone to help us with the chores, grocery shopping, upkeep of our vehicles, homes etc. We also have amazingly full lives. I myself spend time with family, friends, I travel when I can. Most of us also have careers. I mentor a little girl once a week. So keep this in mind the next time you want to make such a silly comment.

 

Most of us have experienced that awkward moment when well meaning people try to comfort “us singles”. Whether it be with words of encouragement, invasive questions (meant to find the root of our “problem”), or promises about our future. Rarely does it ever have their desired effect. I’d say about 99% of the time it is an epic fail. So the next time you are conversing with a single woman keep these comments in mind.

 

Until next time…..

10 First Date Tips For Women

10 First Date Tips For Women

 

 

 

10 First Date Tips For WomenDating today can feel like walking through a mine field. Whether it is online dating or IRL dating can be confusing and anxiety producing, especially the first date. Well here are some timeless tips to make it easier.  Here are 10 First Date Tips For Women.

1. Be yourself and  Relax. Easier said than done, I know. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be something you are not. Don’t try to be the version of yourself you wish you were. He is here because he sees something in the real you.

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2. Dress appropriately And attractively. First impressions matter! Wear something that makes you feel confident and truly great about yourself. Don’t wear something that will make you physically uncomfortable like heals to the beach. Make him work for it, don’t wear something that is going to reveal all of your goods (don’t dress to revealing). Just as dressing overly sexy can be an issue, not looking date-ready at all can also be a turnoff.

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3. Mind your manners. First impressions matter! Show up on time, be polite to the waitstaff, and give your date your undivided attention.

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4. Turn the volume off on your phone. You do not want your alerts, texts, or calls to distract either of you from the date. Do not keep checking your phone either. Yes, use it to check in and let someone know where you are and that you are okay, otherwise leave your phone alone.

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5. Let him lead and cut him some slack.  Let him pay, open doors, pull out your chair. (Yes, I’m old school). Remember that he’s likely nervous and is trying to figure out first-date rules, too.  So if he is faltering help him out.

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6.Have a code word. I know it sounds crazy but that is the world we live in. Don’t just text I’m alive, fine, blah, blah, blah. Have a code word for being okay so your loved ones really know it is you sending the message. Don’t let yourself get stuck with a certified creeper.

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7. Be present. Show interest in your date and be an active listener. Nothing is going to be a bigger turn off than a girl who is completely distracted on the first date. Engage him in conversation, without making it all about you.

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8. Address the elephant in the room.  If something is making you uncomfortable, speak up. Awkward silence, your mind goes blank, wish you hadn’t just said something that flew out of your mouth? Speak up.  Not only will you feel better, you will make him more comfortable, too.

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9. Establish boundaries. Boundaries include oversharing and physical boundaries. Don’t overshare, this is only the first date. If it is meant to be you will have plenty of time to share. Establish physical boundaries. If you want more than a one night stand sex on the first date is not a good idea.

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10. Don’t drink too much. One drink is fine, maybe two at the most. Don’t drink too much because you don’t want to look sloppy. More importantly you don’t want to put yourself in a dangerous situation. Don’t forget this is a stranger.

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Until next time…..

How to Handle Being Breadcrumbed

How to Handle Being Breadcrumbed

How to Handle Being Breadcrumbed

This new digital age of dating is awful! First ghosting, now breadcrumbing, what’s next? So many ways of digital rejection. So first if you don’t know what breadcrumbing is, check out Breadcrumbing Because Ghosting Wasn’t BadEnough.

http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/breadcrumbing-because-ghosting-wasnt-bad-enough/

 

HOW TO HANDLE BEING BREADCRUMBED 

1.) Don’t make excuses or justify their behavior – You need to believe in their patterns not their apologies.

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2.) Don’t take the blame. There is nothing wrong with you!

How to Handle Being Breadcrumbed

3.) Call out there behavior. it probably won’t make a difference, but it will make you feel better. also, i believe that the more we call them out, the higher chance they will stop their shitty behavior.

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4.) Stop Responding. the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.

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Breadcrumbing like ghosting is savage AF. At the end of the day you are lucking out because breadcrumbers are either lonely, fearful of being alone,  sadistic, or simply selfish. Who want’s that kind of POS in their life? Believe the red flags, they are real.

Don’t forget to check out How To Know When Someone Is Breadcrumbing you. http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/how-to-know-when-someone-is-breadcrumbing-you/

 

How To Know When Someone Is Breadcrumbing You

How To Know When Someone Is Breadcrumbing You

Before you can deal with being breadcrumbed, you need to realize that you are being breadcrumbed. There are clear signs when someone is just stringing you along. You just need to be confident enough and love yourself enough to see them.

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 SIGNS YOU ARE BEING BREADCRUMBED 

 

Short texts – When someone is really interested in you they make an effort. If they are being lazy in the beginning stages and can’t even make an effort when texting you that is a red flag. Now sometimes people are really just busy, but if it is a continual thing, there is a problem.

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You have been messaging for weeks but haven’t met IRL – You have been texting for weeks but they haven’t made an effort to actually meet. While the suspense might heighten your desire, it says something about that person. It also tells you that you are not a priority.

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Something always comes up – You finally make plans to meet but they can’t make it because something came up. Now this is real life and things do come up. But if this happens more than once, major red flag.

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Sexting – If all they want to do is sext. Or, if they want to sext before you even meet. RED FLAG! Don’t get me wrong I’ve got nothing against sexting, but it is usually clear when that is all someone wants.

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Being breadcrumbed sucks! No one enjoys being used and/or their emotions played with. The best thing to do is to watch out for the signs and to get out early. Not all attention is good attention. Let the other person know you are too good for their games.

Stay tuned for How To Handle Being Breadcrumbed. Also, check out Breadcrumbing Because Ghosting Wasn’t Bad Enough. http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/breadcrumbing-because-ghosting-wasnt-bad-enough/

Until next time…..

Breadcrumbing Because Ghosting Wasn't Bad Enough

Breadcrumbing Because Ghosting Wasn’t Bad Enough

Breadcrumbing Because Ghosting Wasn't Bad Enough

At least when having been ghosted, you know that there is no hope because the person is gone. Well there is a new phenomenon called breadcrumbing, which you don’t really know what to think. According to Urban Dictionary, breadcrumbing is”When the “crush” has no intentions of taking things further, but they like the attention. So they flirt here or there, send dm/texts just to keep the person interested, knowing damn well they’re staying single.”

I was recently breadcrumbed for about two weeks, not realizing what was happening. The last time he blew me off I called him out on it. He gave a lame apology, expecting me to jump on it. I didn’t respond. I never heard from him again. This from a 42 year old “man”. A “man” I texted with from first thing in the morning until I fell asleep at night. So I did what any person with self respect would do.

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So whether it be a person who is narcissistic, seeking constant validation and attention even if they have no intention to commit to anyone. Or, a person who may just want to keep all of their options open, always looking for something better. You need to realize the game and get out! These selfish and inadequate people are not something you need in your life. Tell them to:

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At the end of the day, of course it hurts to have been breadcrumbed. But just think, you actually lucked out. You avoided getting involved with a self involved, selfish, emotionally void person. You will continue to be fabulous, and they will continue to be emotionally empty. Celebrate your fabulous self and be grateful.

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So now that you know what breadcrumbing is, stay tuned for how to tell if you are being breadcrumbed and how to handle being breadcrumbed. Also check out The Epidemic Of Ghosting http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/the-epidemic-of-ghosting/
Until next time……

 

Sunshine Blogger Award

Sunshine Blogger Award

Sunshine Blogger Award

So, this is the second peer nominated award I have been nominated for in the past couple weeks. I am so grateful to the wonderful community of bloggers that I am a part of. I am also, proud that I have only been blogging for about eight moths.

Let me first start off by introducing who I was nominated by. Kat better known as The Boozy Housewife. She writes about so many great topics including but not limited to recipes, cocktails, and crafts.

https://boozyhousewife.family.blog/

Don’t forget to check out her post on The Sunshine Blogger Award and a couple of others she was nominated for as well.

https://boozyhousewife.family.blog/2018/10/16/awards/

Here are Kat’s questions!

1.) What is your favorite childhood memory?

My favorite childhood memory is driving to the summer camp where my dad worked every weekday with him and going to breakfast. He would let me try a different flavor coffee each day.

2.) What is your favorite color, and why?

Green. Well, my eyes are hazel but turn green a lot. I love the way the color looks one me, and I think green looks sexy on people.

3.) Who is your favorite author, and what is your favorite work by them?

My favorite author is John Grisham. My favorite work by him  is The King of Torts.

4.) What is your useless talent?

My useless talent is that I am double jointed in my fingers. I can do this weird thing that makes them look like witch fingers.

5.) What do you wish you could do that you don’t think you could ever learn?

Sing! I love the way music makes me feel. I love how cathartic it can be. I unfortunately have a terrible voice.

6.) What is quirk do you have that you wish you didn’t?

My quirk I wish I didn’t have would be caring so much about everything.

7.) Tell me your favorite joke.

Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street.

8.) What would you do if you found a bag full of money on your front step with nothing indicating who it was from or what it was for?

If I found a bag full of money on my front step with no indication of who it belonged to I would put a small amount aside to donate. I would pay of my debt with the rest.

9.) Do you do any charity work, activism, or make any yearly donations of money or goods to any organization yearly? What are they?

Yes. I volunteer for local beach cleanups. I also just finished the process of signing up to be a mentor for the county school system. I have been assigned a child and am just waiting to meet her now.

10.) What is your greatest fear?

My greatest fear is being killed by my ex boyfriend.

11.) What is your hope for the world in future generations?

My hope for future generations….this is a hard one. I hope that they get their s*** together. I hope that they change the laws to be equal and fair. That women are no longer blamed for being beaten, sexually assaulted, and raped. I hope that they learn to actually work with each other instead of attacking each other rather than helping anything.

 

Rules

  1. Thank the blogger who nominated you and link to the original post 
  2. Answer the 11 questions they’ve asked you
  3. Nominate 11 other bloggers and ask them 11 questions
  4. Have fun!!

My Nominees!

@BloomingAzalea 

@ThCityandBeauty

@IMHOCBlog 

@my_lifelines 

@bumblebae2

@OurCarpeDiem

@I_Speak_Date

@BelieveinBumble 

@offtotheworld

@Single_CLE 

@TheSparkleMomma

Here are my questions!

1.) What hobby would you get into if time and money weren’t an issue?

2.) What would be your first question after waking up from being cryogenically frozen for 100 years?

3.) What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives?

4.) What city would you most like to live in?

5.) What is something you will NEVER do again?

6.) If life is a game, like some people say, what are some of the rules?

7.) What is something that your friends would consider “so you”?

8.) What irrational fear do you have?

9.) What’s the last adventure you went on?

10.) What is the biggest lesson you never learned?

11.) What do you regret not doing?

Thank you for taking the time to get to know me a little better. Also, thank you for the love and support I’ve been shown. Please take the time to check out Kat The Boozy Housewife and my nominees.

 

Until next time….

15 Songs For Survivors of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence isn’t easy to talk about. However, if we don’t talk about it we will never be able to rid ourselves of the stigma, shame, and silence associated with domestic violence. I am a survivor of domestic violence, and find solace in these songs. Music has a healing effect. For this reason,  I wanted to share with fellow survivors.

Face Down – The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Better Man – Pearl Jam

Gunpowder and Lead – Miranda Lambert

Church Bells  – Carrie Underwood

Independence Day – Martina McBride

Warrior – Demi Lovato

Cold Case Love – Rhianna

How Come How Long – Babyface

Love The Way You Lie – Eminem and Rhianna

Love The Way You Lie Part 2 – Rhianna

Oh Mother – Christina Aguilera

Rain on Me – Ashanti

Thank You – Jamilia

Silenced – Mersi Stone

 

Love is Blind – Eve

On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. Victims/survivors of domestic violence should not be ashamed. The shame belongs to the abusers. However, until we stop the victim blaming, shaming, and ignorance the abuse will continue.

 

If you need help please reach out: National Domestic Violence Hotline https://www.thehotline.org/

 

 

 

 

Flawesome Award

Flawesome Award

Flawesome Award

I was nominated to do this tag award by Help Momma Sparkle. So first let me tell you what the flawesome award is. It celebrates the flaws that make us so damn fabulous! We are always seeing people awarded for achievements and successes. This is such a unique way of celebrating our quirks.

So the rules are:
– Link back the Creator.
– Display the Award.
– List 3 flaws.
– Tag 10 people

Now I have to give credit to the creator of this award.

Sophia Ismaa Writes.  https://sophiaismaa.wordpress.com/2018/08/31/the-flawesome-award/

I absolutely love her philosophy behind this award.

“How many times do we see an award that celebrates all things bright and shiny and sunny in a person? How often do we forget that our weaknesses can be a strength? Our flaws make us human, our flaws tell us more about who we are, and in turn we turn those flaws into awesome strengths. In short, our flaws make us #flawesome.”

So now the moment you have all been waiting for…. my flaws.

  1. I over analyze everything. I mean conversations, things I have or am about to publish, things people say to me…everything. I truly believe this is because I worry about everything. I over analyze situations, because I am afraid of what will happen if I am not prepared for it.

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2. Despite me doing a very good job of hiding it, I care what everyone thinks. I hate when someone doesn’t like me.

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3.  I have crippling  social anxiety. worrying about being negatively judged, evaluated, and viewed by others makes social situations very awkward.

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So basically, my flaws boil down to I think too much and feel too deeply.

Check out the awesome creator Sophia Ismaa https://sophiaismaa.wordpress.com/2018/08/31/the-flawesome-award/
Also please check out Help Momma Sparkle https://helpmommasparkle.com/?p=1098

I tag:

@BloomingAzalea 

@GirlPugWine

@suburb_single 

@I_Speak_Date

@enchanted_talez 

@IMHOCBlog 

@my_lifelines

@bumblebae2

@PlentyFreaks 

@Thetruth111016