How To Survive Negativity

How To Survive Negativity

How To Survive Negativity

I don’t know about you, but there have definitely been times in my life when the negativity around me threatened to engulf me. As hard as it is not succumbing to the negativity being thrown your way, it is in the end your choice. And believe me the ones surrounding you with negative vibes, want nothing more than for you to drown in it. So here are some ways on how to survive negativity. 

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Family, friends, co-workers, romantic partners, it doesn’t matter who it is, stay away from negative people. Your response to me on that..I can’t just cut out my family, co-workers etc. You don’t have to necessarily. You can limit your interactions with them, or end an interaction when the negative vibes start coming.

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While it might seem personal, negative people in your life do not have a problem with you. Odds are they have a problem with themselves, hence why they are always negative. Not taking it personally is way harder than it sounds. I am infamous for taking things personally. It is something I work on daily.

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There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away; the battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it is with themselves.     
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Start spending time with people who are positive. As we get older, it is harder to meet new people and make new friends. Actively seeking out positive people is important though.

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This next one is the hardest for me. Only you have control over how you react to situations that come your way. Change the way you think and change the way that you react. It is impossible to have a positive life with a negative attitude.

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Change the way you think, more importantly change the way you talk to yourself. Although these thoughts are automatic with practice and time, you can change them. How you think will directly affects how you live.

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When you run into Debbie Downer, Negative Nancy or Pessimistic Patty run! Negativity will envelope you before you know it given the chance. These are just a few ways that I survive negativity.

How I Live With Crippling Anxiety

How I Live With Crippling Anxiety

How I Live With Crippling Anxiety

Only those who suffer from anxiety can truly understand how frightening and horrific it is. Suddenly you feel like you cannot breathe, you feel like you need to break open your chest to get some relief, the feeling of crawling out of your skin, breaking out in a sweat, and overwhelming dizziness. Living with anxiety can make you feel crazy and broken. But, you are not! Here is how I live with crippling anxiety.

The scariest thing to do is talk about having anxiety. People are terrified of looking crazy, not perfect, or damaged. Having anxiety doesn’t make you any of those things. And believe it or not, many people around you odds are suffer from anxiety too. It is important to find someone that also suffers from anxiety that you can talk to.

Although many people do not like going to the doctor or taking medication, I have found that it is necessary in helping me to control my anxiety. While, I do not solely depend on medication to deal with my anxiety, it is a big part of keeping it under control.

Another instrumental tool I use in battling my anxiety is exercise. Whether it be just going for a long walk, or going to the gym for an intense work out, excising helps. I can feel the difference when I work out and when I don’t.

Breathing. It sounds easy, I know. But it isn’t always. So, I take a step back and tell myself to breath. Specifically, I try t use the 5-7-9 method of breathing. Inhale for 5 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and exhale for 9 seconds.

Get enough sleep. People make fun of me all of the time because I am almost militant about getting enough sleep. I do not budge on this because I know how important it is to keep my anxiety under control.

My sister actually taught me this one and it works. Multiplication tables. I know it sounds weird but it truly helps. Counting backwards also helps.

Anxiety can be immobilizing. Living with anxiety can seem unbearable, but you can live a normal and happy life with anxiety. You just need to find what works for you.

If you need help check out the Anxiety And Depression Association Of America https://adaa.org/living-with-anxiety

Don’t miss my post on living with mental illness http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/living-with-mental-illness/

Flawesome Award

Flawesome Award

Flawesome Award

I was nominated to do this tag award by Help Momma Sparkle. So first let me tell you what the flawesome award is. It celebrates the flaws that make us so damn fabulous! We are always seeing people awarded for achievements and successes. This is such a unique way of celebrating our quirks.

So the rules are:
– Link back the Creator.
– Display the Award.
– List 3 flaws.
– Tag 10 people

Now I have to give credit to the creator of this award.

Sophia Ismaa Writes.  https://sophiaismaa.wordpress.com/2018/08/31/the-flawesome-award/

I absolutely love her philosophy behind this award.

“How many times do we see an award that celebrates all things bright and shiny and sunny in a person? How often do we forget that our weaknesses can be a strength? Our flaws make us human, our flaws tell us more about who we are, and in turn we turn those flaws into awesome strengths. In short, our flaws make us #flawesome.”

So now the moment you have all been waiting for…. my flaws.

  1. I over analyze everything. I mean conversations, things I have or am about to publish, things people say to me…everything. I truly believe this is because I worry about everything. I over analyze situations, because I am afraid of what will happen if I am not prepared for it.

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2. Despite me doing a very good job of hiding it, I care what everyone thinks. I hate when someone doesn’t like me.

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3.  I have crippling  social anxiety. worrying about being negatively judged, evaluated, and viewed by others makes social situations very awkward.

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So basically, my flaws boil down to I think too much and feel too deeply.

Check out the awesome creator Sophia Ismaa https://sophiaismaa.wordpress.com/2018/08/31/the-flawesome-award/
Also please check out Help Momma Sparkle https://helpmommasparkle.com/?p=1098

I tag:

@BloomingAzalea 

@GirlPugWine

@suburb_single 

@I_Speak_Date

@enchanted_talez 

@IMHOCBlog 

@my_lifelines

@bumblebae2

@PlentyFreaks 

@Thetruth111016 

 

 

 

 

The Dangers of Eyelash Extensions

The Dangers of Eyelash Extensions

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Let’s face it, we as women will spend exorbitant amounts of time and money to be “prettier” and look the way we “should”. Now don’t get me wrong, I myself consider some of the things we put ourselves through to be self care. However, some practices cross a line, especially when they have physical hazards.

Society tell us to look a certain way, and we not only listen but we spent countless hours and a ton of money to do so.

I don’t know about you, but I keep my fingers and toes done at all times. That means going to a salon twice a month for two hours costing about $85. I get Keratin treatment for my hair every 3 months sitting in a salon for about 5 hours. That costs about $200. I also get my hair colored regularly taking about an hour and a half costing about $100. This does not include the occasional facial or all of the products we use.

While getting my nails one day, the woman doing my nails asked if I wanted to get eyelash extensions. I of course said yes, even though I had beautiful eyelashes at the time. I had to schedule a time to come back because it takes about 2 hours for your first set. The cost was insane, but I wanted beautiful long eyelashes that looked great all of the time.

In the very beginning they looked great and I was getting complimented all of the time. I ignored that I was spending a fortune, because I had to get a fill every two weeks. As time went on, and I began to get itchy eyes after getting my fills, I ignored that too. Then the real kicker came, I left the salon and as the day went on, my eyes began to itch terribly and began to swell. I tried taking Benadryl and putting ice packs on me eyes to no avail.

It was time for me to go to the emergency clinic. So while I had to explain to the doctor what happened, quite embarrassed, he looked at me like I was crazy for subjecting myself to the process. He asked me if there was a way to remove them, there wasn’t. Antibiotics and steroids it was. After a few days all symptoms went away and I had my great eyelashes.

Now that I was addicted to my new eyelashes, I stupidly chalked my reaction up to a one time thing, since I had done it for so long without issue. I went back again and the same thing happened. Back to the doctor I went. I was now warned that the reactions would only continue to get worse. Round two antibiotics and steroids.

Now I began to do some online research, and what I found was horrifying. But I can be quite stubborn, so I tried tips from others on how to avoid a reaction. I took Benadryl prior to my eyelash fill, and when I was done. I iced my eyes almost immediately. Finally, I released  I had to stop because IT WAS ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE!

The Dangers of Eyelash Extensions

As time went on I began to lose the last of my extensions. I looked in the mirror and panicked. My real eyelashes had been falling out and were damaged overall. Now I had to figure out how to fix the mess I made.

Back to researching I went. To my surprise there were a few alternatives. Eye lash serum was one. I have begun to use a serum myself. If you wash an old mascara tube well, along with the applicator you can fill it with castor oil and apply nightly. Work with what you have and use an eyelash primer and mascara.

I use Hairgenics Lavish Lash. I put it on right before bed every night (when I remember).

They say to put mascara on while your primer is still wet, but I was told by an Ulta associate to use while primer is still wet. I love this primer!

Fantastic mascara and I love this applicator!

We all want to be beautiful, to be our best, and to fit society’s definition of what we should be. But we must ask ourselves, at what cost to ourselves? In addition to an allergic reaction, you are also putting yourself at risk for bacterial and fungal infections. The cost is just another factor that could persuade women that this is not a good option.

Don’t be stubborn like me. Forget about eyelash extensions and embrace eyelash serums, primer, and mascara. Enjoy spending that $120-$300 on something else to pamper yourself with.

 

Until next time…

Finding Friends In The Adult World

Finding Friends In The Adult World


Making friends when you are younger is so easy, it happens naturally with not much effort. Lets face it making friends as an adult is about as appealing as going to the dentist. You have to do it, you know it will be good for you, and it’s healthy but ugh having to go out and actually do it. Finding friends in the adult world sucks!

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If you thought cliques and mean girls would no longer be a part of your life after high school, boy were you wrong. Whether it’s work, other moms, or even family members, the cliques and mean girls live on after high school. In addition to the cliques and mean girls many of us have to overcome our own personalities. Not everyone is a social butterfly.

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So, how are we supposed to find friends in the adult world?

I am an introvert who is completely comfortable watching TV  with her dog. It sounds weird I know. That doesn’t mean I do not like to try new things and visit new places. Leaving my room or my dungeon as my friends affectionately call it is not always on the top of my list.

Step 1
YOU NEED TO LEAVE YOUR HOUSE!

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Step 2
Nurture Your Existing Friendships
Friendships like any relationship will ebb and flow. Reciprocity is key. You need to reach out to the friends you already have. Arrange a brunch or get together.

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Step 3
Network
The majority of my adulthood friends I met through networking. When you are at a social or family gathering get out there and socialize. Bizarrely enough several of my really good friends I met through an ex, they are the best thing I got out of that relationship.

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Step 4
Use your kids – yes this includes your fur babies 
Moms will have to socialize with other moms whether they like it or not. There are play dates, school events, extra curriculars, etc. Take that time to see if you mesh with some of these moms. Fur baby moms – go to the dog park. You know you already have something important in common.

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Step 5
Volunteer
Volunteering is not only a way to meet friends but will also make you feel good about yourself. Now I know, it’s not like you don’t have a million other things to do. But you can do something good for others, while meeting people with similar interests.

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As we get older it is no loner necessary to have many friends. It is more important to have a handful of great friends. Yes, it is easier said than done, but you need to get out there. Find your tribe!

We all know that there is an app for everything. Well now there are several apps for finding friends. I am going to try a few and will let you know how it goes. Look for my follow up blog on these apps.

 

Until next time….

 

My Overachiever Attitude Is Really Insecurity

My Overachiever Attitude Is Really Insecurity

My Overachiever Attitude Is Really Insecurity

For as long as I can remember, being good enough is something I have struggled with. Being pretty enough, being smart enough, being liked enough, all things I never believed that I was. Damage from childhood and past relationships continued to make me doubt myself. I have journeyed for the past three years to overcome this mindset. As I continue on my journey I have realized that my overachiever attitude is really insecurity.

Due to my crippling insecurity, I work ten times as hard as most in order to not just get accilades, but more importantly to avoid criticism. Criticism, even constructive criticism can be debilitating to someone with low self esteem. I was the fastest moving up manager at a restaurant that I used to manage. When I decided to go back to school, I graduated with my Bachelor’s Degree on President’s List. While these are all accomplishments to be proud of, I find myself obsessing over my successes so I do not fail.

Of course this sounds good in theory, but at what expense? This overachiever attitude leads to an extremely high stress level and a limited work to personal time ratio. I find that this overachiever attitude also pertains to my friendships, family relationships, and romantic relationships. Always trying to please everyone, I often find myself exhausted and not truly happy. Yet, my insecurity and the thought of angering others, it has always been easier not to say no. Granted, I feel like this is a trait many women have, always wanting to make others happy.

My overachiever attitude really being insecurity was a hard pill for me to swallow. However, realizing what the ugly truth is, allows me to work on changing it. Now don’t get me wrong, I will never be good with criticism and not caring what others think. I will be able to not make myself crazy by overachieving to offset my insecurities.

Without acknowledging it, facing it, and changing it, my insecurity will always be masked by my overachiever attitude.

 

Until Next Time…

The Dead Dads Club

Dead Dads Club

The Dead Dads Club is a society you hope never to become a member of, but once you do you are forever one of us. When a girl/woman loses her father a piece of her dies as well. Although it never goes away, The Dead Dads Club members will help you get through the tough times.

Through the tears, laughs, and all of those uncomfortable situations we are there for each other. Humor is what I have found is the key to making it through. Most importantly, you must find other members to bond with. Non members can sympathize, but they can not empathize. No one who is not a member can ever fully understand.

We all become members at different stages in our lives. That doesn’t matter because our road is now the same. I am writing this during a weekend of weddings. Anyone who is a member of The Dead Dads Club knows what that means.

My group of The Dead Dads Club are very supportive of each other. We compare notes on what to do when a bride is being walked down the aisle by their father, the father daughter dance, and the fathers speech so that we don’t break down right there.
Top answers:
  • Knowing exactly when to go MIA.

    • Going to the bathroom right before the father daughter dance.

    • Stepping outside right before the dreaded speech from father to daughter.

    • Checking out everyone’s shoes under the table so you have something to focus on.

There is no missing the notorious aisle walk. But we find ways to keep from falling apart right there in front of everyone.
  • Find a focal point where you can stare, zoning out without anyone noticing.

  • Counting in your head while staring at your focal point.

  • The groom is a good place to stare.

There is no getting out unscathed, but why not minimize the pain?

Dead Dads Club

Fathers Day is of course a yearly reminder of what we no longer have. My sister and I were lucky in a way. We had no grandfathers or uncles, so we could get drunk or hibernate away from everyone on Fathers Day and just cry. We did this for years.
Suddenly, something changed and my sister and her husband had twins. I will never forget the absolute anguish I felt when I had to face down the ominous Fathers Day aisle at the store for the first time in years. Standing there blankly staring at all of the cards, trying not to lose it right there.
People try to be sympathetic, but are unknowingly offensive. My father passed during my senior year of high school. When I returned to my waitressing job shortly after my fathers death one of the older woman customers actually asked me aren’t you the girl whose father just died? I froze, not sure how to react. What I wanted to say was FUCK YOU! What I said was yes, that’s me. The other most common statements people make that make a member of The Dead Dads Club furious are: I know how you feel I lost my Uncle, Grandfather etc. Hello? I literally just lost my father! Well God has a plan. It was his time to go. The list goes on. So does the anger and pain of the members of this unfortunate club.
Whether you were called to come right now because your father was dying or you got a phone call after he passed, that memory will be with you forever. It is a movie clip that will forever play at unaccepted times in your head. My sister and I were exhausted after my fathers open heart surgery so we left my mother at the hospital and went home. After all, he always made it through before. As we pulled into the driveway we got a phone call, you need to come back right now. By  time we made it back to the hospital, he was gone. The guilt of not saying goodbye and having left to get some sleep will never leave. Guilt is an ugly cross to bear.
The what ifs? My fathers surgeon had an emergency surgery right before my fathers. So, my fathers surgery got pushed back. We had a decision to make, postpone his surgery, which was an ordeal with the blood thinners he was on, or to proceed as planned. We chose to proceed. The what if we decided to postpone breaks my heart every time. What if I had stayed? Would I have been able to say goodbye? Would he not have felt so alone when he died? Please don’t kill yourself with what ifs. You can not change the past. Most importantly your father wouldn’t want you torturing yourself. Easier said then done. This is where other members of The Dead Dads Club come in. They will help you through it.
When you lose your father you might be angry. Others will probably not understand this. But your sisters of  The Dead Dads Club will. They will listen to you rant and pull you back when they know it is enough. Your tribe will understand when you need to talk about your mothers pain absolutely breaking your heart. Without the support of these women, my sister especially I would never make it through. You will share an unbreakable bond.

 

No matter what age a girl/woman is, she is always daddy’s little girl. A girls father is a hero, strong beyond compare, her forever safe place, and is indestructible in her eyes. It is devastating when that is ripped away. When a girl loses her father it leaves a hole in her heart, that although might get better with time, will never go away completely. Welcome to The Dead Dads Club.
The Dead Dads Club

Until next time….

5 Things You Should Know About Your Mother

5 Things You Should Know About Your Mother

1. Mothers are HUMAN – it is unfair and unrealistic to assume mothers should not have flaws. I believe that we all want our parents to be these superhuman people, who are perfect. Reality they are human and trying to do their best.

2. Mothers have the best of intentions for their children – Are you sure you want to do that? You really need to quit smoking. And on and on it goes. Yet as annoying as it can be, we really need to take a step back from the situation. They are not trying to hurt us, and it hurts them deeply to watch their children in possible harms way.

3. They are a woman with a story – Our mothers had lives before us. They were not always just “our mom”. We all roll our eyes at our mothers and sometimes think they are uncool or don’t understand. My mother was the epitome of cool in her day. She saw Janice Joplin live, went on marches, hung out in the Village, and had some seriously hunky boyfriends. They were “cool” before us.

4. Mothers DO NOT get a day off – My older sister is 40. So my mother has not had a day off in 40 years. They don’t get to quit. Whether they are on their period or they have the flu mothers can’t just check out. Mothers are always their for their children, even when they are grown. They answer the phone in the middle of the night or talk to us for hours.

5. Your mother will be THE MOST loyal person in your life – No matter what you do or how badly you may have hurt her feelings, your mother will always be there for you.

Mother daughter relationships can definitely be complicated. There might be times when you drive each other crazy. But keep in mind your mother is human, she is not perfect, she has flaws. But, she LOVES you. We tend to take time for granted, when it comes to our mothers don’t. These 5 things you should know about your mother are better to realize before she is gone.

Why I Hate The Word Victim

The word victim portrays people as weak, people who were exploited. Yes, anyone who has lived through any type of abuse, sexual, physical, verbal, mental the list goes on were exploited. Yet, they LIVED. The word victim deceives people into thinking there was no strength there. This is why I hate the word victim.

Survivor. Warrior. Fierce. These are the words to be associated with people who have lived through the aforementioned abuses. People can sympathize with these survivors, but they cannot empathize. No one can understand the chilling fear that you can feel in your bones, except for another survivor.

I myself am a survivor of physical, mental, and verbal abuse. There are several women who are close to me who have survived the same abuse as I have, along with others who have survived other types of abuse. Not one of those women considers themselves victims. They all know that they are fierce warriors, survivors. Now I am not saying that survivors are strong immediately, it is a long, hard, heart wrenching road.

The word victim is associated with shame and a sense of embarrassment. We have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. We survivors are proud and we are strong. What we have lived through has given us a strength that is hard to imagine possible. However, we have not allowed that strength to make us hard. Rather we have become empathetic.

Survivors do not want or need sympathy. Please do not pity us. The word victim correlates to sympathy and pity. Another reason I hate the word victim.

Why should survivors of abuse not be able to share their stories?  Who decided that women should not be able to hold their heads up high and say I survived, and became even better for it. Especially not to be allowed to help other women know that there is hope?

  I was blessed to have someone close to me when I left my abusive relationship, who was also a survivor. I do not know if I would have had the strength without her understanding and her sharing her story of survival with me.

How sad that in this world all of this shame, the stigma is placed with the “victim” and not the abuser. While the person who should be ashamed is the one who was so small and broken, that they had to crush another to feel powerful. That is the person who is weak, not the ones who survive. Hence this is why I hate the word victim.

Why I Hate The Word Victim

 

 

 

You Gotta Ibotta

You Gotta Ibotta

You Gotta Ibotta

Alright, who doesn’t like to go shopping? Online shopping? Even better. When it comes time to pay however we might not be so happy. So, what if I told you there was a way to make money just by shopping? No this is not a scheme or a joke. You gotta Ibotta!

When you download Ibotta using  https://ibotta.com/r/wmtindl 

or the code wmtindl you will automatically get $10! After redeeming $20 you can automatically transfer that money to your pay pal account. Then, you can transfer the money directly to your bank account all at no charge. You are already half way to your first redemption just by signing up!

So here are a few of my favorite stores to make money while shopping.

  • Amazon – Who thought Amazon could get any better? Now you can earn cash back on your Amazon purchases using Ibotta.

  • Ebay

  • Doordash! Yes, 10% back on your orders.

  • Walmart – Another store that we all shop at.

  • Publix

  • Albertsons

  • Whole Foods Market

  • Sams Club

  • Target

  • The Fresh Market

  • Sprouts Farmers Market

  • 1-800 Flowers – Making money while spending it on others? Awesome!

At any given time there are offers available at over 300 stores

Don’t forget to look at the bonuses. I have already earned $25 in bonuses alone. All you have to do is activate the offers you qualify for and scan your receipt by taking a picture of it or scanning the code at the bottom of the receipt. All online shopping you do through Ibotta tracks automatically. You don’t have to do a thing.

You Gotta Ibotta

Invite friends to join. When they do using your code not only do you get a bonus, but they become a part or your team. The bigger your team, the faster you earn. The more friends on your team, the easier it is to earn your Teamwork bonuses, each and every month.

No one has time for coupon cutting anymore. It doesn’t get any easier than this! Make money every time you shop. You gotta Ibotta!

Until next time…