How To Let Someone Love You

How To Let Someone Love You

How To Let Someone Love You

Having experienced some very bad breakups and even some not so great friendships, I have built some serious walls. My default mode is to push people away. I have had to make a conscious effort to let people in and more specifically to let people love me.

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I never fully felt like I deserved a healthy relationship or partner.

When ever someone got to close I would fight, flee, or freeze. I have been dating an amazing guy who is nice beyond belief. In the beginning I would literally feel like I was choking because I didn’t know how to accept his kindness and affection. My sister gave me some great advice. Just breathe through it.

Step one is actually very easy. Admit what you really want. Do not allow fear of being hurt or embarrassed stop you. A very good friend of mine would always tell me that a healthy relationship is what I really wanted. My own securities kept me from admitting that. (Until I met someone who was really a good guy and made me feel comfortable to admit it.)

Recognize your patterns. Personally, I know that I would push away anyone who was “to nice” or anyone who had their s*** together. As a result I also would find things wrong with men that I dated if I thought they were getting to close.

Communicate. Let the other person know you are struggling. Let them help you. If the person is worth it they will not judge you but love you through it.

Understand that dysfunction doesn’t equal love.

As uncomfortable as it is work on yourself. Build your confidence and self worth. You need to consider yourself worthy of being loved.

Letting go of past hurts and trauma can feel impossible. However it is necessary not only to you healing but to allowing someone to love you.

Real talk it does get easier but it hasn’t completely gone away. I still struggle with it. Luckily for me the guy I am dating is patient and kind. Also I have an amazing group of friends that know me and help me get through it without sabotaging things.

Come Check out How I found My Self Worth http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/finding-my-self-worth/

Love will always be a risk.  All things considered, it is worth it though. Living not allowing anyone to love you is a very lonely life. So take a deep breath… … and then have the courage to allow yourself to be loved.

Becoming The Person You Were Meant To Be

Becoming The Person You Were Meant To Be

Becoming The Person You Were Meant To Be

In today’s age of everyone’s perfect lives on social media, we find ourselves competing with unrealistic ideas of how our lives should be. Many of us also tone down or change who we are to make others happy, or to get the lives we think we want. Well, it’s exhausting. Becoming the person you were meant to be is imperative to finding happiness. 

So the question is how do we become the person we are meant to be? We see it all the time: Be You! Become Yourself! But no one actually shares with us how to do that. Whether it be sitting for hours and getting false eyelashes glued to your face (which I have done many times) or something deeper like changing who you are as a person, we all do things to change who we are. So how do we become the person we were meant to be. 

The truth is it won’t always be easy or pretty. It will take work. More importantly it will take making mistakes, failure, disappointment, reading (a lot), and that’s just to name a few. Remember to focus on the person that you are, and not the person you wish that you were.


“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.


E.E. Cummings

So take a minute and ask yourself, how do I stop being who I am not?

Stop working on trying to be normal and start working on being you. Be authentic.
You have to be honest with yourself about what you are passionate about and who it is you really want to be, despite what others think and the social “norm”.

You will odds are feel regret about things from your past. Don’t dwell on them. Use them as learning lessons and move forward.

Stop berating yourself. If you keep telling yourself that you cannot be something or are not worthy of something, it will be a self full filling prophesy. Your truth really is you can be anything that you put your mind to!


Find your truth.
 Every person has something they were born to do. You have a unique purpose for being here, and you have to find it.

So remember learn who you are, love who you are, and live who you are.

Finding My Self Worth

Finding My Self Worth

Finding My Self Worth

 I have been a people pleaser for as long as I can remember. The sacrifice has been to always make others happy at the cost of my mental and physical health, my own respect, and my own happiness. What I thought was my worth was based on what I gave to others. 

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Unfortunately most people took advantage of that, leaving me feeling sad, hurt, and angry at myself. Some unconsciously took advantage of it. At the end of the day I was always feeling empty, and not worth much.

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It took a very bad situation I got myself into, in order for me to realize that I needed to get help and change. My family and friends rallied around me. The common advice was I needed to see my self worth because I deserve so much better than my poor choices.

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I felt so badly at the time it was almost painful to hear how amazing they all think that I am. How worthy I am. I would shake my head and say yes, then cry by myself because I just wished that I could see myself through their eyes.

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So I started reading up on how to change my perception of myself and how to change my behavior. It wasn’t easy. It was really hard to hear some of the things that I had to come to terms with. I had to hear them or I could never change my self destructive behavior though.

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One of the hardest things I had to acknowledge was that I would sexualize myself to get attention. Over the top makeup, lower cut shirts, tight bottoms, anything for attention. If I wasn’t getting looks and/or attention I felt terrible. Of course this is extremely embarrassing, especially because all I ever wanted was for one person to love me. My intention was never to be promiscuous, but I would feel validated with sexual attention.

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Friendships is another area that this destructive behavior was prevalent. Time and time again I have been absolutely heartbroken by so called friends. My family and friends have a running joke about me taking in strays. From the time I was in high school, I would take in friends who didn’t have a place to go. Making my family an involuntary part of my behavior. These “friends” that I took in stole from my family, myself, lied to me, and took advantage every way they could. If I could get back all of the money I have lent out and never received back I would probably be able to pay off all of my debt.

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Still for some ungodly reason, I would make excuses for these people and feel more worthless about myself.

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So, I took a couple of days to myself and did some soul searching. I pinpointed a lot of my destructive behaviors. Then I decided to get to work. I began doing exercises like writing a list of what I love, respect, and admire about myself. I downloaded an amazing app named Sanity and Self. https://www.sanityandself.com/ I began working on it every day. I know affirmations can make you feel stupid, but I tried it. Believe it or not they work! It’s about changing what you say to yourself and how you make yourself feel.

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Basing your self worth on others perpetuates an endless cycle of self hate. We all need to start somewhere. I have barely begun my journey and it is nowhere near over. It is something I need to work on every day.

New Years Resolutions For Singles

New Years Resolutions For Singles

New Years Resolutions For Singles

The new year is a time we all reflect on the past year. It is also a time that we look ahead and make goals for the year to come. I always find myself excited and hopeful about my upcoming year. I believe that it is truly important to focus on bettering myself and my life rather than focusing on how to find that “special someone”.  Here are New Year’s Resolutions for singles that will help you to  discover yourself  and better your life.

 

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Make a commitment to your personal self-improvement.
Have you been wanting to learn a new language? Is there a kickboxing class you have wanted to try? Make realistic goals about health, fitness, mental and emotional self-improvement and follow through on them.

Get out of your comfort zone
This New Year get out of your comfort zone. Make a conscious effort to say yes to trying new things and opening up to new opportunities.  Whether it be trying a new food or taking a class by yourself, Go for it! I have learned that the more I get out of my comfort zone the more I find things that I love.

Have a better attitude
It is easy to become bitter and pessimistic during the holidays, especially when you are single. Heading into the New Year being single, is the perfect time to be happy and optimistic about the upcoming year and all of the possibilities that it can bring. When you are bogged down with negative thoughts and expectations you are your own worst enemy. Don’t let your negativity become a self-fulfilling prophesy. 

Smile More Often

As we move through life, we can get distracted, overwhelmed, and just plain busy. Stop and take a second to smile. Not only will smiling more actually make you happier, it will positively affect those around you. As for yourself, smiling actually releases endorphins. This means you will physically feel the effects of smiling more!

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Take care of yourself

When looking at the year ahead, don’t let self care fall by the way side. I know we can get busy and overwhelmed, even by our own goals. Self-care is a must for everyone! Make a promise to yourself to take the time to practice self-care in the upcoming year. Whether it is getting a massage regularly or something as simple as going to bed a little bit earlier, this might be one of your most important resolutions!

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Leave the Past in the Past
Leaving the past in the past is something I really struggle with. I also know that this will be a resolution that I work on most. By no means am I saying that you have to forgive and forget. I am saying that in order to be healthy and happy for me I know I must stop focusing on the past and look on making a better future and living in the moment. Whether you hold anger, animosity, or resentment toward others, or you hold guilt for yourself, it is time to leave the past in the past.

There are far better things ahead than we leave in the past

C.S. Lewis

No matter what your New Year’s resolutions are, make sure they make your life better. Make yourself a promise to be a healthier and happier you! Happy New Year to you all.

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Until next time…..

5 Ways Not To Be Used

5 Ways Not To Be Used

5 Ways Not To Be Used

Nothing hurts more than when we have put ourselves out there, only to find out we’ve been being used. The person who is using us definitely sucks as a human being, but did we set ourselves up for failure? There are things that we can do to help prevent someone from using us. Here are 5 ways not to be used.

1) Believe in patterns not apologies. We have all heard the old adage actions speak louder than words. It is sooo true! If someones actions hurt you, makes you question yourself, or make you feel more lonely than if you were alone, do not keep that person in your life!

2) Don’t fall in love with potential. People are who they are. We as women especially, can fall in love with someone’s potential. Remember a leopard doesn’t change it’s spots. You cannot excpect someone to change or be better.

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3) Believe in red flags. Trust your gut! Also trust the people who love you! If the people closest to you take issue with someone in your life, remember these are your ride or die’s. They are not trying to harm you, but protect you.

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4) Know your worth. If you undervalue yourself, it makes it easier for others to do the same. Know how valuable, amazing, and special you are! Do not ever let anyone make you forget it.

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5) Don’t lower your standards. Never lower your standards for anyone. No one is worth that sacrifice.

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At the end of the day, we cannot control the actions of others. We cannot blame ourselves for their behavior. But we can safeguard ourselves from being mistreated.

Until next time………

Breadcrumbing Because Ghosting Wasn't Bad Enough

Breadcrumbing Because Ghosting Wasn’t Bad Enough

Breadcrumbing Because Ghosting Wasn't Bad Enough

At least when having been ghosted, you know that there is no hope because the person is gone. Well there is a new phenomenon called breadcrumbing, which you don’t really know what to think. According to Urban Dictionary, breadcrumbing is”When the “crush” has no intentions of taking things further, but they like the attention. So they flirt here or there, send dm/texts just to keep the person interested, knowing damn well they’re staying single.”

I was recently breadcrumbed for about two weeks, not realizing what was happening. The last time he blew me off I called him out on it. He gave a lame apology, expecting me to jump on it. I didn’t respond. I never heard from him again. This from a 42 year old “man”. A “man” I texted with from first thing in the morning until I fell asleep at night. So I did what any person with self respect would do.

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So whether it be a person who is narcissistic, seeking constant validation and attention even if they have no intention to commit to anyone. Or, a person who may just want to keep all of their options open, always looking for something better. You need to realize the game and get out! These selfish and inadequate people are not something you need in your life. Tell them to:

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At the end of the day, of course it hurts to have been breadcrumbed. But just think, you actually lucked out. You avoided getting involved with a self involved, selfish, emotionally void person. You will continue to be fabulous, and they will continue to be emotionally empty. Celebrate your fabulous self and be grateful.

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So now that you know what breadcrumbing is, stay tuned for how to tell if you are being breadcrumbed and how to handle being breadcrumbed. Also check out The Epidemic Of Ghosting http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/the-epidemic-of-ghosting/
Until next time……

 

Safety Harbor Spa

Safety Harbor Spa

Safety Harbor Spa

Have you ever just needed to unplug from the world and recharge? Well, The Safety Harbor Spa is the perfect place for you. There is no better place to unwind and practice self-love all day. The safety harbor spa offers a 50,000 square foot spa and fitness center and so much more.

When visiting the spa, you will first receive a robe and a locker key. Once you get them you will walk through a door that leads to the spa. Tranquility hits you right a way. In the women’s locker room there is a lounge to relax, fresh lemon water, tea and coffee. Soft music plays in the background. Once you change into your robe you are ready to go.

Directly outside of the locker room you will find steam rooms, sauna, and a natural spring water pool. If that isn’t enough there is also two other natural spring water pools, whirlpools, and a fitness center. You get all day access to all of this if you book even just one service. But why settle for just one? Go to their website and check out their daily deals. https://www.safetyharborspa.com/en-us/spa-fitness/spa-daily-deals

Safety Harbor Spa

Safety Harbor Spa

This is the bath area. This picture is from one of my visits a few years ago. They have updated this area so that all baths are in private rooms.

I try to go once a year. The list of services offered is large and diverse. Facials, massages, and body treatments oh my. From personal experience, I can tell you that the facials, massages, herbal wraps, and the Espiritu Springs Mineral Bath are all fantastic options. They offer a plethora of services for men as well.

In between services you can head up to the main restaurant in your robe. It might seem odd at first, but it is really quite nice. The menu is vast and the food is wonderful. Make sure that you bring your appetite.

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Customer service is the best I have ever seen. The spa manager Heather Blake was fabulous. She went above and beyond to make my visit perfect. When talking to her, you will feel like you are old friends.

You couldn’t ask for a more perfect location. The spa is located at the end of Main St. Main St is literally covered with remarkable bars, restaurants, art galleries, bookstores and more.

Disconnecting from everything is so beneficial and much needed. When visiting the Safety Harbor Spa I turn my phone off. No talking, texting or social media. I do bring a book to read while eating. Serenity guaranteed!

You can go for the day or spend the weekend. Check out The Safety Harbor Spa!

 

https://www.safetyharborspa.com/

 

Until next time….

 

 

 

 

My Overachiever Attitude Is Really Insecurity

My Overachiever Attitude Is Really Insecurity

My Overachiever Attitude Is Really Insecurity

For as long as I can remember, being good enough is something I have struggled with. Being pretty enough, being smart enough, being liked enough, all things I never believed that I was. Damage from childhood and past relationships continued to make me doubt myself. I have journeyed for the past three years to overcome this mindset. As I continue on my journey I have realized that my overachiever attitude is really insecurity.

Due to my crippling insecurity, I work ten times as hard as most in order to not just get accilades, but more importantly to avoid criticism. Criticism, even constructive criticism can be debilitating to someone with low self esteem. I was the fastest moving up manager at a restaurant that I used to manage. When I decided to go back to school, I graduated with my Bachelor’s Degree on President’s List. While these are all accomplishments to be proud of, I find myself obsessing over my successes so I do not fail.

Of course this sounds good in theory, but at what expense? This overachiever attitude leads to an extremely high stress level and a limited work to personal time ratio. I find that this overachiever attitude also pertains to my friendships, family relationships, and romantic relationships. Always trying to please everyone, I often find myself exhausted and not truly happy. Yet, my insecurity and the thought of angering others, it has always been easier not to say no. Granted, I feel like this is a trait many women have, always wanting to make others happy.

My overachiever attitude really being insecurity was a hard pill for me to swallow. However, realizing what the ugly truth is, allows me to work on changing it. Now don’t get me wrong, I will never be good with criticism and not caring what others think. I will be able to not make myself crazy by overachieving to offset my insecurities.

Without acknowledging it, facing it, and changing it, my insecurity will always be masked by my overachiever attitude.

 

Until Next Time…

BEGIN LOVING YOURSELF. A heart with the word love on top of an open journal

HOW TO BEGIN LOVING YOURSELF 5 EASY STEPS

BEGIN LOVING YOURSELF. A heart with the word love on top of an open journal
Like anything worthwhile in life, learning to love yourself will take work. Self-love is not a switch that can be turned on and off. It took me time, effort, and dedication to learn to love myself. Everyone has their own baggage, so there is no cookie cutter answer for everyone. I can only share what I have experienced and what has worked for me. With this in mind, hopefully my experience will help you to begin loving yourself too. So, let’s see how to begin loving yourself 5 easy steps.

Learning to love yourself, the first part of that is LEARNING. So the only way to learn is to have a teacher, a guide, or something to help show you the way. Everyone needs help, we just need to be brave enough to let our guard down to accept it.

THERAPY:
  •   Therapy – The first step I had to take to learning to love myself was going to therapy. This is much scarier and more difficult than one would think. I am an expert at keeping up my defenses. So I had to grit my teeth, make an appointment, and my journey began. Therapy was essentially my first step onto the journey of learning to love myself. Due to the stigma attached to therapy, this might make some uncomfortable. There is no shame in therapy whatsoever.
    In addition to talking to my therapist and learning from her, she referred several books to me. These books changed my life. Not only did they help me to love myself, but helped me to improve relationships I had with my family.
SELF-HELP BOOKS:
  •  The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom – Although it was a little difficult to get into in the very beginning, it really helped me in my outlook and relationships with those around me.

  •  The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts – This is not just a book for those in relationships or trying to be in a relationship. Absolutely wonderful book.

  •  You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life – The title alone is empowering and got my attention. Great read.

WRITING/JOURNALING:
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  • Journal – I am a firm believer in journaling. Writing about things I am grateful for, goals that I have, things that I have accomplished, and experiences that I have gone through help me to better appreciate my life and myself. This helps me to feel grateful, proud of myself, and work through certain issues I have with things I have gone through. Journaling will absolutely help you in the process to love yourself.
AFFIRMATIONS:
  • Affirmations – Sigh, eye roll. Yes, I said it, affirmations. I used to hate when people would tell me this. One day I got a wild hair to really work on being more positive and changing my life. When getting ready in the morning and before going to bed at night, I began listening to positive affirmations. You know what? I started to see a difference in my attitude and my life. You can find FREE affirmation videos to listen to on YouTube. This is one of my favorite morning affirmations to listen to on YouTube https://youtu.be/XiMguQXX-q0
    SELF-CARE:
Self-care – Self-care is especially important. I started to really pay attention to how I was taking care of myself and realized I was seriously lacking. We give 100% to our friends, family, career, etc. How much do we give to ourselves? I realized that in order to truly love myself, I had to take care of myself. That means something different to each of us. To me, that meant making an effort to take my makeup off every night, wash my face, and use moisturizer. I put serum on my eyelashes. Walking every morning and trying to work out on my lunch breaks are now a part of my regular routine. In addition to that, I try to get enough sleep. It is all a matter of finding out what it means for you.

We put time, energy, and money into so many things. We will spend money and time on maintaining our homes, our vehicles, our family, and more. Yet, why is it so difficult for us to spend time and money to better ourselves? We are happy to spend money on those we love, but not on the journey to love ourselves. Above all you are important enough to invest in! The journey to being able to fully love yourself will take time, money, and sometimes make you take a long hard look at things you might not want to. Once you do, you will never forget it! Check out Fabulously Single on Facebook to get more tips on self-love and how to love being single! https://www.facebook.com/fabulouslysinglelife/

Hopefully How To Begin Loving Yourself 5 Easy Steps has inspired you to begin your journey of self love. If it has, check out my blog Self Love http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/self-love/

Until next time…

Self Love

Self Love – Work To Love Yourself

What I Have Learned Being Single

Self love. Self love is something everyone talks about in today’s society, something that is promoted and desperately sought after. How many of us really deep down love ourselves and aren’t afraid to say it out loud? My own self-love is something I battle with constantly. I have been working on it regularly. I listen to daily affirmations every morning while getting ready, I stretch, workout, try my hardest to take care of myself, yet it still isn’t enough. So I did some research and bought a few books. I try to read a little bit each day. I bought the 21 day self-love challenge and I love it! The author starts out bluntly and sarcastically, which is right up my alley. I am still reading it, there is a lesson (only a page or so for each day). It really made me smile and start to change my attitude so I had to share it. I hope you love it as much as I do!

 

If you are interested in more great information on self love, come check out my blog: http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/how-to-begin-loving-yourself-5-easy-steps/