Having experienced some very bad breakups and even some not so great friendships, I have built some serious walls. My default mode is to push people away. I have had to make a conscious effort to let people in and more specifically to let people love me.
I never fully felt like I deserved a healthy relationship or partner.
When ever someone got to close I would fight, flee, or freeze. I have been dating an amazing guy who is nice beyond belief. In the beginning I would literally feel like I was choking because I didn’t know how to accept his kindness and affection. My sister gave me some great advice. Just breathe through it.
Step one is actually very easy. Admit what you really want. Do not allow fear of being hurt or embarrassed stop you. A very good friend of mine would always tell me that a healthy relationship is what I really wanted. My own securities kept me from admitting that. (Until I met someone who was really a good guy and made me feel comfortable to admit it.)
Recognize your patterns. Personally, I know that I would push away anyone who was “to nice” or anyone who had their s*** together. As a result I also would find things wrong with men that I dated if I thought they were getting to close.
Communicate. Let the other person know you are struggling. Let them help you. If the person is worth it they will not judge you but love you through it.
Understand that dysfunction doesn’t equal love.
As uncomfortable as it is work on yourself. Build your confidence and self worth. You need to consider yourself worthy of being loved.
Letting go of past hurts and trauma can feel impossible. However it is necessary not only to you healing but to allowing someone to love you.
Real talk it does get easier but it hasn’t completely gone away. I still struggle with it. Luckily for me the guy I am dating is patient and kind. Also I have an amazing group of friends that know me and help me get through it without sabotaging things.
Come Check out How I found My Self Worth http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/finding-my-self-worth/