Having been single for quite some time, I am often accused of being to picky. But why is being picky actually a bad thing? When looking for a long term relationship and not just a fling, shouldn’t we choose wisely? Besides, it’s not that I’m picky, it’s that I know I deserve more than what I’ve been offered so far.
At this point it probably seems that I am light years behind others at my age and might never meet someone. I personally don’t believe that, however it definitely wouldn’t be the worst fate. I will not settle for the sake of not being single.
Yes, I have a bad track record when it comes to dating. But I am grateful for it. Everyone of those ugly experiences taught me what not to tolerate. I am confident enough now to never allow certain behaviors again.
There is no rushing perfection, there is also no rushing finding “the one”. Taking my time for one of the most important decisions of my life is most certainly not being “too picky” it just makes sense.
In addition to not being willing to settle, the next time I am with someone I want it to be long term. I would rather be alone and happy then involved and unhappy. The next time I fall in love I want it to last. That is worth waiting for.
I have changed many times in the past to fit into someone else’s life. I will never do that again. Being a chameleon isn’t fun. I like my life, who I am, and what I enjoy. If someone doesn’t fit into my life then they are not for me.
Finding someone to spend the rest of your life with isn’t a race. There is no right time frame.
Is this the journey I thought I would be on at this point in my life? No. Am I upset that this is the journey I am on? Definitely not. I am learning, growing, and experiencing new things all of the time. Why settle with the wrong person, just to be with someone? Forever is a very long time to be miserable. I would rather be happily single, than unhappily coupled.
We all know those people who ask inappropriate questions. When are you going to have kids, why aren’t you two married yet, and wait for it… why are you still single.
First off, let me point out that by using the word still in the question it makes it seem like there is something wrong with being single. That it is a condition that needs to be rectified. Somehow, it makes the question even more offensive.
Yes, the question with or without the word still is inappropriate. Unfortunately it is hard to avoid all nosy and/or rude people. Here are some of my favorite responses to the question why are you still single?
I’m in a passionate love affair with myself.
Not everyone can handle fabulous
My bed only has enough room for me and my dogs
I don’t know, why are you still married
Because I would rather have a significant income than a significant other
I’m just lucky I guess.
I’m not single, I’m in a long term relationship with fun and freedom
Getting into a relationship seems like a good idea, but so did getting on the Titanic and look at what happened there.
I’m single at heart
Because no company is better than bad company.
Now, remember as annoyed as we singles are by this question, rarely does the person asking mean any harm. Odds are they do not even realize that they are being rude. The important thing is to not let it bother you. Being single is amazing and liberating! Revel in your freedom.
While I’m sure your intentions are good (in your mind) you are really being creepy. I mean making my skin crawl creepy. Have you ever stopped to think that this creepy behavior is exactly why you are single?
Yes no one wants a total douche bag. However women also don’t want a man who suffocates them, who we can walk all over, or who makes us physically uncomfortable. Here are several things that you should NEVER do.
While we all probably do creepy things sometimes, I do not believe we do it intentionally. The last thing any normal guy should want is to be known as that creepy guy. So let me help you to not be that creepy guy.
Listen Mr Creepy, you can be nice without being a total creepster. What you may think of as caring and sweet, might be making women run for the hills. Take a step back and ask yourself if your behavior is stalkerish. Now, by no means am I saying to be an asshole. There is a big difference between being nice, creepy, and an asshole.
To all of my fellow singles: You have almost survived the holiday season! You are nearly done being grilled by family, friends, and co-workers over your single status. Last up? Ringing in the New Year flying solo. Many singles anguish over being single on New Year’s Eve. Why? Bringing in the New Year solo can be amazing. You can make it anything you want.
New Year’s Eve is synonymous with PARTY! Who knows how to party better than us singles? Live it up and party like a rock star.
Not the party type? That’s okay too! You don’t have to fight with anyone about staying in. It’s completely up to you! Plan an awesome night in, and don’t worry about fighting with anyone about being able to stay home.
Forget about agonizing over the perfect New Year’s Eve with your partner. No need for high expectations (declarations of love, marriage proposals, invites to move in, etc.). You don’t have to put pressure on yourself to have that movie perfect romantic midnight kiss.
2019 will be your year! You don’t have to worry if you and your partners resolutions match up, torturing yourself on what milestones you need to hit this year as a couple. Plan what things you want to knock off your bucket list, how you can improve your quality of life, decide what you will do differently to be happier.
Nothing hurts more than when we have put ourselves out there, only to find out we’ve been being used. The person who is using us definitely sucks as a human being, but did we set ourselves up for failure? There are things that we can do to help prevent someone from using us. Here are 5 ways not to be used.
1) Believe in patterns not apologies. We have all heard the old adage actions speak louder than words. It is sooo true! If someones actions hurt you, makes you question yourself, or make you feel more lonely than if you were alone, do not keep that person in your life!
2) Don’t fall in love with potential. People are who they are. We as women especially, can fall in love with someone’s potential. Remember a leopard doesn’t change it’s spots. You cannot excpect someone to change or be better.
3) Believe in red flags. Trust your gut! Also trust the people who love you! If the people closest to you take issue with someone in your life, remember these are your ride or die’s. They are not trying to harm you, but protect you.
Surviving Christmas when you’re single can be emotionally draining and difficult. Whether it is not wanting to show up single to events or dealing with nosy people. Which is why I’ve compiled a guide to getting through the Christmas season solo.
First off, don’t overlook all of the benefits of being single during the Christmas season. There is no agonizing over what to but your partner, and better yet you don’t have to spend the money. Then there is the relief of not having to figure out or argue about how to split your time among the families. Best of all, you do not have to deal with the craziness of a family that is not yours!
Having to walk into any big gathering during Christmas, whether it be a company party, or a relatives house can be daunting to say the least. You might feel like the entire room is staring at you, like some kind of spectacle. Let me tell you something, people are paying a lot less attention to you than you think. The secret is to let go and just enjoy yourself. More importantly let others enjoy you! Oh and there’s alway alcohol!
Have a comeback ready for nosy people, whether they be friends, family, or strangers. When questioning you on your love life or lack there off, remember, they are odds are not trying to be hurtful. Now of course there are some who might be, keep in mind if that is the case then they must be pretty miserable themselves. You can either answer in earnest (I haven’t found the right person yet) or in humor (I decided I didn’t want to spend a fortune on gifts this year).
Try doing things that make you feel good about yourself. Sure, you can take all of that money you are saving on gifts and spend it on yourself. Treat yourself to a massage, facial, or pedicure. Or even better, volunteer. It is the season for giving. Not only will you be helping others, but you will automatically feel batter about yourself as well!
Whatever you do DO NOT wallow! If you allow yourself to indulge in that negative behavior, nothing good will come of it. It will only get worse and you will find yourself on an ugly downward spiral. Plus, you don’t want people to pity you, you are to awesome for that!
Do not fall for the return of the douche bag! He will come to you with fake apologies, even show you he’s not such a bad guy, he might even take you on a few dates. But at the end of the day he is still a douche bag.
He’s a legend in his own mind. He thinks he’s a 10 when in reality he is just a sad 42-year-old man who cannot handle being with a real woman. He is incapable of caring about the fact that he caused you embarrassment and pain.
You are nothing more than a game to him and that will never change. Now he is definitely charming, handsome, and witty so you want to believe that he is is the exception to the rule. He isn’t.
And you wonder why he can be so cruel as to play these games with you? Maybe, it’s because you make it so easy for him.
The douche bag is inherently selfish where he preys on women who will feed his ego and buys his time until he moves on to his next prey.
Don’t be too hard on yourself if you let them back in once. It’s not your fault that he is an emotional cripple, a coward, a manipulator.
If they don’t choose you they lose you. Don’t waste your time waiting around for someone who is incapable of being a decent human being. Do not be someone’s back up plan and certainly do not be there second choice.
Please observe the douche bag in his natural habitat
The hallmarks of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are grandiosity, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration. … They may also concentrate on grandiose fantasies (e.g. their own success, beauty, brilliance) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment.
Sound familiar? Yes it seems like The douche bag is also a narcissist.
UPDATE: prior to me publishing this, after writing it I found out that the Douche Bag is also engaged and living with his fiance and has a child with her. He proposed to her in April of this year. He admitted everything and had the audacity to apologize and ask if we could talk. Classic Douche Bag he told me how guilty he felt because I was such an amazing woman. Lets be real what he really wants is for me not to tell her and not to publish this blog post! To late, I already spoke to his fiance, who let me know he denied the entire thing. However, I was able to send her all of the text messages, photos, and his dating profile online. Goodbye Douche Bag!
While people generally want to be kind and encouraging to others, sometimes they can really put their foot in their mouth. I have heard these comments made by both single and married friends, family, and people who really don’t know me well enough to comment at all. While I cannot speak for women everywhere, here is my top 20 most annoying things single girls are tired of hearing.
While not directed at you it still is very irritating. Here’s why: First of all it implies that there is something wrong with the social status of being single, Second of all, now I am wondering what you say about why I am STILL single when I am not around, and Third of all have you ever thought maybe she WANTS to be single?
Yes, we singles do not have time we need to spend with a partner, and some of us do not have children to raise. We are however, not sitting around twiddling out thumbs with all of this extra time. We do not have anyone to help us with the chores, grocery shopping, upkeep of our vehicles, homes etc. We also have amazingly full lives. I myself spend time with family, friends, I travel when I can. Most of us also have careers. I mentor a little girl once a week. So keep this in mind the next time you want to make such a silly comment.
Most of us have experienced that awkward moment when well meaning people try to comfort “us singles”. Whether it be with words of encouragement, invasive questions (meant to find the root of our “problem”), or promises about our future. Rarely does it ever have their desired effect. I’d say about 99% of the time it is an epic fail. So the next time you are conversing with a single woman keep these comments in mind.
Dating today can feel like walking through a mine field. Whether it is online dating or IRL dating can be confusing and anxiety producing, especially the first date. Well here are some timeless tips to make it easier. Here are 10 First Date Tips For Women.
1. Be yourself and Relax.Easier said than done, I know. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be something you are not. Don’t try to be the version of yourself you wish you were. He is here because he sees something in the real you.
2. Dress appropriately And attractively. First impressions matter! Wear something that makes you feel confident and truly great about yourself. Don’t wear something that will make you physically uncomfortable like heals to the beach. Make him work for it, don’t wear something that is going to reveal all of your goods (don’t dress to revealing). Just as dressing overly sexy can be an issue, not looking date-ready at all can also be a turnoff.
4. Turn the volume off on your phone. You do not want your alerts, texts, or calls to distract either of you from the date. Do not keep checking your phone either. Yes, use it to check in and let someone know where you are and that you are okay, otherwise leave your phone alone.
5. Let him lead and cut him some slack. Let him pay, open doors, pull out your chair. (Yes, I’m old school). Remember that he’s likely nervous and is trying to figure out first-date rules, too. So if he is faltering help him out.
6.Have a code word. I know it sounds crazy but that is the world we live in. Don’t just text I’m alive, fine, blah, blah, blah. Have a code word for being okay so your loved ones really know it is you sending the message. Don’t let yourself get stuck with a certified creeper.
7. Be present. Show interest in your date and be an active listener. Nothing is going to be a bigger turn off than a girl who is completely distracted on the first date. Engage him in conversation, without making it all about you.
8. Address the elephant in the room. If something is making you uncomfortable, speak up. Awkward silence, your mind goes blank, wish you hadn’t just said something that flew out of your mouth? Speak up. Not only will you feel better, you will make him more comfortable, too.
9. Establish boundaries. Boundaries include oversharing and physical boundaries. Don’t overshare, this is only the first date. If it is meant to be you will have plenty of time to share. Establish physical boundaries. If you want more than a one night stand sex on the first date is not a good idea.
10. Don’t drink too much. One drink is fine, maybe two at the most. Don’t drink too much because you don’t want to look sloppy. More importantly you don’t want to put yourself in a dangerous situation. Don’t forget this is a stranger.
This new digital age of dating is awful! First ghosting, now breadcrumbing, what’s next? So many ways of digital rejection. So first if you don’t know what breadcrumbing is, check out Breadcrumbing Because Ghosting Wasn’t BadEnough.
2.) Don’t take the blame. There is nothing wrong with you!
3.) Call out there behavior. it probably won’t make a difference, but it will make you feel better. also, i believe that the more we call them out, the higher chance they will stop their shitty behavior.
Breadcrumbing like ghosting is savage AF. At the end of the day you are lucking out because breadcrumbers are either lonely, fearful of being alone, sadistic, or simply selfish. Who want’s that kind of POS in their life? Believe the red flags, they are real.