In this new digital world of dating, well let’s face it digital way of living, people feel free to act in ways they wouldn’t normally IRL. Whether it be sending naked photos to strangers, bullying, or ghosting. Ghosting, in case you have been living under a rock is when someone you have been “talking to” or dating simply vanishes without a word.
I was recently ghosted by a 42 year old man we will refer to as Starbucks Matthew. I don’t feel the need to hold back when it comes to shitheads so I let him know he was my inspiration for this.
Is there anything really more cowardly or cruel than making someone think that things are going great, and then just disappearing? No goodbye, no explanation, no reason, just poof gone. Not even the decency to muster up the lame ass it’s not you, it’s me.And why not? Odds are you will never have to face the ghosted party again. We live in a society where you meet online and no longer through acquaintances of other IRL scenarios.
How easy it is to treat people so shitty when there is no accountability. Cowardliness is the new norm. There is no one to confront the ghosters, so they have no shame in their behavior. No one deserves to sit around and wonder what the f*** they did, because someone else decides to be a piece of shit. It seems that in this new society manners, etiquette, and hell, human decency are dying at an alarming rate.
Don’t allow yourself to be defeated by these fuckboys. You are amazing!
If you are single in this brave new world, odds are you will be ghosted at least once if you haven’t already. It’s very easy to say don’t take it personally, it’s not you, it’s them. Well, duh, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like hell. Let’s try something new though. Let’s use our pain to reflect on how we treat others in this new world and do better.
Stay tuned for Tips On How To Handle Being Ghosted.
Until next time…
Dating Today Sucks and Here’s Why:
Everyone is a commitmentphobe talking to multiple people at all times. People are so busy looking for something better, that they don’t build a relationship with anyone. Most dating is online instead of IRL, which is awkward and tedious. In this new digital age of communication, it is as if people no longer know how to truly interact with others in a meaningful way.
How can you ever make a real connection when you are battling cat fishers, competing with endless other people, ghosting, and countless other insanities. You have to be prepared for the ceaseless stream of first date interviews (sometimes worse than an actual job interview), most over obligatory coffee. Even if you battle through and ace your first date, that is where the real games begin.
People don’t date anymore, they hang out. They text at midnight seeing who will respond. They play games. Well, we had a great date now I can’t text for three days. They get a text that makes them smile, but put the phone down because they can’t respond to quickly, in fear of looking desperate. The emotional tug of war that comes with today’s dating is exhausting.
I’ve been single long enough to know these games, but that doesn’t mean that I want to play them. There is nothing more vial then people who purposely play with others emotions just because they can. Man up people, it’s okay to like someone, it’s okay not to like someone. It is not okay to act like you like someone and then disappear with no explanation.
The millennial’s version of “dating” is sad. It’s not our fault, this is how society is training us. Welcome to the new world of confessing our feelings over text and social media, but a real face to face relationship is no longer the norm.
I am not looking for a pen pal do not message me for weeks on end with no intention of meeting IRL. Don’t ask me to come “watch Netflix and chill”. Don’t text me at 1 a.m. on a Saturday because I won’t be impressed. Don’t expect to get laid, I am not DTF. Let’s keep it simple, try just not being a douche.
How can anyone find this millennial dating fulfilling? Meaningless “hangouts”, shallow people, and obsession with finding something better. If so many people are unhappy about this, then let’s force a change. Let’s start by respecting other people’s feelings. Let’s stop accepting behavior that is the new “norm” and start holding out for behavior that is worthy of us.
Check out Online Dating Making Women Want To Stay Single http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/online-dating-making-women-want-to-stay-single/
Until next time….
By the time you reach your 30’s, most of your friends/family will already be paired off. Many of them will also have children. There is something about hitting your 30’s that makes women panic about not being married. Maybe you feel that you have outdated every other woman in town. Well here is 30 Reasons Why Your 30’s Is The Best Time To Be Single!
1. Because 30’s are the new 20’s
2. Because this is the time to work on you
3. Because you can do whatever you want, whenever you want
4. Because you didn’t settle
5. Because you can date anyone you want
6. Because the best is yet to come
7. Because you can still have kids – IF YOU WANT
8. Because who doesn’t want unlimited friend time?
9. Because you don’t have to share a bed
10. Because your sex life can be whatever you want it to be
11. Because you can wear whatever you want
12. Because you don’t have to shave unless you are getting a pedicure or a massage
13. Because you don’t have to share- From dessert to a closet you can be as selfish as you want
14. Because no one cares as much as you think they do
15. Because you still have an entire bucket list to check off
16. Because you don’t have to deal with in-laws
17. Because you like your money
18. Because men can be children
19. Because children change everything
20. Because you have more time to focus on your career
21. Because you know what red flags to look for
22. Because you are able to date smarter
23. Because you are no loner afraid of alone time
24. Because you do not have to split the holidays
25. Because you are more confident than you have ever been
26. Because you don’t have to worry about getting a divorce
27. Because you can take solo trips
28. Because you have time to get in shape
29. Because you can find new hobbies
30. Because you can learn to do things you wouldn’t otherwise
It’s a crazy outdated notion that you should be married by 30. Family life can be great and definitely has its merits. But not everyone will be ready for it at the same time, if ever. Whether you’re happy to stay single or are looking forward to eventually meeting your match, this is your time to be independent and love life.
Come check out Why I had to Travel Alone to Find Myself http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/whyihadtotravelalonttofindmyself/
Until next time….
Not 100% happy being single? Feel alone that you enjoy being single? Listen to these bad ass babes slaying it with their outlooks on single life. These celebrity’s points of view on single life are inspiring. After reading them you will be emboldened to step up your game on living single! With society being love/relationship obsessed, it is quite refreshing to see these strong, amazing, successful women share why they love being single.
“Guys need attention. They need that nourishment, that little stroke of the ego that gets them by every now and then. I’ll give it to my family, I’ll give it to my work — but I will not give it to a man right now.” Preach Rihanna!
“Without single women and their impressive sense of self, we’d be without Queen Elizabeth I, Marie-Sophie Germain, Susan B. Anthony, Florence Nightingale, Jane Austen, Harper Lee, Diane Keaton, Greta Garbo, Jane Goodall and me, myself and I,” Chelsea Handler wrote in an excellent article for Time. “Being single is delightfully more than it’s cracked up to be… if you can stand the horror of your own company, that is.” Learning to love your own company is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
“The man for me is the cherry on the pie. But I’m the pie and my pie is good all by itself. Even if I don’t have a cherry.” Hell yes! This is one of my favorites.
“I remember when I was young I honestly believed in some ridiculous way that you would find someone who would be the person you lived with until you died,”. “I don’t think that because I’m not married it’s made my life any less. That old maid myth is garbage.” Yes!!
Mindy Kaling told Good Housekeeping “I don’t need marriage,” in 2015. “I don’t need anyone to take care of all my needs and desires. I can take care of them myself now.” One of the greatest lessons women should learn.
“Being alone is not the same as being lonely. I like to do things that glorify being alone,” “I buy a candle that smells pretty, turn down the lights and make a playlist of low-key songs. If you don’t act like you’ve been hit by the plague when you’re alone on a Friday night, and just see it as a chance to have fun by yourself, it’s not a bad day.” I have felt more alone in certain relationships than I have ever felt being single.
“I had the full princess fantasy: the white horse, the whole being saved from my life, which is ridiculous. What do I want to be saved from? My life’s great! But it’s just this weird thing that’s been hammered into my head culturally: that’s the only way to succeed, that’s the only thing that counts for a woman. I’m happy, but the fact that I’m not married and don’t have kids— it’s taken me a long time to get to a place where I actually am OK with that, where I actually don’t feel like I’m some sort of loser.” You rock Rashida! I felt so uncomfortable being single and not having kids for so long. Now I am confident in myself and my life!
“We are complete with or without a mate, with or without a child. We get to decide for ourselves what is beautiful when it comes to our bodies. That decision is ours and ours alone,” Absolutely! Women are made to feel incomplete without a significant other and that is ridiculous. You are always enough!
“Most women would not be happy being me,” “People say, ‘But you’re alone.’ But I don’t feel alone. I feel very un-alone. I feel very sparkly and excited about everything. I know women who are going, like, ‘I don’t want to grow old alone.’ And I’m like, ‘See, that doesn’t scare me.’ Because I’ll never be alone. I’ll always be surrounded by people. I’m like the crystal ball and these are all the rings of Saturn around me… My generation fought very hard for feminism, and we fought very hard to not be labeled as you had to have a husband or you had to be in a relationship, or you were somehow not a cool chick.” I don’t know about you, but I know that I will never be alone because of the amazing people in my life! Therefore, surround yourself with amazing friends and family and you will never be alone.
“It sounds like a cliché but I also learnt that you’re not going to fall for the right person until you really love yourself and feel good about how you are,” I 100% agree with this! How can you except to have a great relationship with someone if you don’t have a great relationship with yourself.
“I don’t think you can really, truly be the partner you want to be until you know on an absolute level that you are a complete person on your own. I think that’s something all women deserve to know,” Right on Sophia !
“People keep asking me who I’m dating right now and the truth is…wait for it…no one. And that’s OK. I’m figuring out a lot of stuff right now. I think as a woman it’s in our nature to nurture someone else. Sometimes at the expense of ourselves.” Which one of us hasn’t taken care of others at the expense of ourselves? Well, it’s time we make ourselves a priority!
“Some people said, “Oh. You don’t want to be alone.” And I said, “I’m not alone! I’m with myself. And myself is fabulous.”’ Yes you are!
“Too many women throw themselves into romance because they’re afraid of being single, then start making compromises and losing their identity. I won’t do that,” Being single has allowed me to realize my worth. This isn’t why I will never compromise myself again!
These bad ass babes are sharing wisdom some of us spend our entire lives searching for. I wish I had women like this sharing their outlook on single life much earlier in life. Lastly, when you are doubting your single life, remember the oldest woman alive attributes her long life to staying away from men. Maybe these les sho be tau to women at a youn age!
Until next time…
When looking for a good TV show, I generally like to find something that I can relate to. Until recently, besides Sex In The City there weren’t really any great shows for singles. Well that has definitely changed. These shows portray all age groups and walks of life. They bring to light the real heartfelt emotion pertaining to single women of all ages and situations. Here we go… 5 Best Shows For Single Women.
Sex In The City – Sex In The City is a classic show for single women. I truly believe this is a timeless show that shows the struggles, the humor, and the strength of us singles. More importantly it highlights the importance of female friendship. Sex In The City delves into the lives of women between their 30’s and 50’s. Don’t forget once you finish all of the seasons, you absolutely have to watch the movies too!
Girlfriends’s Guide to Divorce – This is a humorous heartfelt show that is fantastic for single mom’s and divorced women. That is not to say non moms and women who have not been married can’t enjoy this show. Binge worthy for sure!
Grey’s Anatomy – Grey’s Anatomy is an addicting show that offers a constant flow of relationships that are passionate, sexy, and difficult. The real hardship of breakups, divorce, and even loss of a loved one are also a big part of the show. Grey’s Anatomy makes you laugh, cry, and realize you are not alone in the craziness of relationships and breakups/divorce.
The Bold Type – The Bold Type is by far one of my favorite new shows. Three friends taking on the big city, new careers, and the intricacies of the dating world. The Bold Type portrays the younger generation, early to mid twenties.
Being Mary Jane – This is an amazing show that shows a woman in her mid thirties and her dating life through forty. For all of us single women who have made bad choices in relationships, have a career that is challenging, and can be more so because we are women, and all of us who have not been married and are in our 30’s and 40’s. Being Mary Jane is emotional, funny, smart, and real.
So, Mary Jane is a news caster who always includes brilliant quotes in her shows. Check out this link for must not miss quotes from Being Mary Jane. https://bmjquotes.tumblr.com/
We all want to feel like we are not alone. Being single or even dating in today’s day and age can make you feel isolated and even crazy. The women in these shows let us know we are not alone. This is life. The good, the bad, and the ugly these shows share them all with us.
I use my Fire TV Stick to catch all of these great shows.
Until next time…
As I sit here writing this, I am sitting at a local Starbucks, drinking my favorite Cinnamon Almond Milk Macchiato, on a date with myself. I wasn’t always able to take myself on dates because I was mortified of going out in public places alone. Once I decided to really dedicate myself to being single and focusing on being a better version of myself it started to get a little easier. Now I am so confident that I will walk into a 5 star restaurant with a book and demand to be sat at a table, not the bar because I am there alone.
Taking yourself on dates might be outside of your comfort zone, but once you do it, you will fall in love with it. Even though I wrote this for singles, I truly believe that even if you are in a relationship you should take yourself on solo dates. Granted when single a person will probably go on more solo dates then when in a relationship. However, it is important for everyone to spend some time with themselves.
- Go to a concert you have been wanting to see. It doesn’t matter if you have great seats, or even get lawn seats. Sing along, dance around, have fun!
- Buy yourself a new video game, go home, turn your phone off, and order delivery. Enjoy playing your new game in peace.
- Take your dog mans best friend to the dog park for the afternoon.
- Don’t have a dog? Go to a local dog shelter. Offer to walk the dogs to give them some love and exercise.
- A long drive. Bring your favorite playlist. Roll the windows down and feel the wind on your face. Taking a long scenic drive with some great music is extremely relaxing.
- Go to a beach or local park and watch the sunset. Sunsets aren’t just for couples and cliche proposals; they’re beautiful and relaxing for everybody. Get there 20 minutes before sun down. Bring a good snack, a book or journal and sit back and enjoy.
- Take yourself zip-lining somewhere both thrilling and beautiful.
- Take a class nobody would want to do with you – pottery, improv comedy, cooking, or woodworking. Immerse yourself in it.
- Go people watching. This is one of my favorite. Just make sure it is somewhere appropriate so you are not that creepy person. Put down the phone and grab a cup of coffee and sit back and watch. Create stories about the people passing by.
- An overnight getaway. Who doesn’t say they need more vacation time? There’s no reason why you can’t book yourself a romantic evening away for one, even if it’s a local hotel and all you do is order room service, take advantage of the pool and gym, and sleep in.
- Go for a bike ride. Ride your bike around town or find a great scenic route or trail.
- Get lost in a museum. Whether it’s discovering new artworks or marveling at an ancient piece of history, the experience is very personal. Go at your own pace and feel what moves you.
- Go to a comedy club. Head down to your local comedy club and laugh until your ribs hurt. You won’t regret it.
- Go see a live show. Wicked, Les Miserables, Fiddler On The Roof, these are just a few of the shows I’ve seen and I loved them all!
- Go see a movie your friends wouldn’t normally go to with you. And you don’t have to share the popcorn.
- Lay in the grass and relax watching the clouds. Make sure to turn your phone off.
- Go to the planetarium.
- Find a local food festival and enjoy guiltless indulgent eating.
- Do something festive for whatever holiday is coming up (Drive around and look at Halloween decorations or Christmas lights).
- Sitting by a window as it’s raining outside and you are curled up with a glass of wine and a good book.
Taking yourself on solo dates will help you to fall more in love with yourself. You deserve that whether you’re in a relationship or not. I actually believe that it’s sometimes even more important when you’re in a relationship, so you don’t lose your own identity within the relationship. When I go on solo dates, I get to know myself better. I allow myself to experience things in a new way. So, pick one, or try them all. Go take yourself on a solo date! Above all, enjoy yourself.
Until next time….
As we get older the thought of being alone can be terrifying. Being in a relationship is idealized and romanticized. Even in today’s society being in a relationship is by the majority thought to be “normal”. Choosing to be single is thought to be “abnormal”. Obviously, there are other concerns like the financial burden of not having a shared income. Therefore, some people would rather be in miserable relationships than be alone.
There are so many positives of single life, that fear can make people overlook. Don’t let the fear of being “alone” keep you trapped in a bad relationship, or continually settling for less just to be with someone. Being in my mid 30’s, I was terrified at the thought of being alone, until I let myself be alone. Choosing to be single is the most liberating thing I have ever done.
Here are 15 fears people have about being single:
not having validation – You are not defined by your relationship with others or lack there of.
not being happy – Being in a relationship DOES NOT ALWAYS mean happiness. You CAN NOT depend on another person for your happiness. You must learn to make yourself happy.
Not having sex again – Well, i’ll be honest this one still worries me a bit. but let’s be honest we can have great safe sex being single. And who knows singles might be having more sex than those in relationships.
not being loved – The love you can give yourself is stronger and more pure than the love anyone else can offer (except maybe your dog).
not being whole – You are whole on your own. You are not broken or missing half of yourself. There is no on out there who is going to complete you. You need to be able to complete yourself.
being lonely – You don’t have to be lonely. First of all you will learn to love spending time with you. Most importantly, I have been more lonely when I was in certain relationships then I ever have being single.
family and FRIEND pressure – Although family and friends might harp on the fact that you are single, they are not doing it to be hurtful. Now, that doesn’t mean that it is pleasant, or it doesn’t get annoying or hurt. But, you can not let it affect you as much. Ignore it! You know how happy and amazing you are! Odds are some of them are actually jealous of your singledom!
Having to watch every last person in your life get married and have kids – this can be tough at times. It can also be liberating. I literally have watched everyone in my life get married and have kids. I’m not going to lie, sometimes it hurts a little. But, I can book a flight anywhere I want at the drop of a dime and visit somewhere I have never been. Believe me I do it often!
companionship – The only companionship you need is your own.
being unable to take care of yourself – You will not be unable to take care of yourself. In fact, you will be able to be your main priority.
having a partner to offer you the world – You don’t need anyone to offer you the world. You can give that to yourself. (This is probably one of my favorite)
having to go through tough times and illness alone – You will not have to go through the tough times or being ill alone. One of my best friends is also single and through tough times and illness neither of us have ever been alone. Friends and family will always be by your side. I have had to be put to sleep for a couple of procedures and my sister was there when I was done each time.
just being single – Being single for an extended period of time will give you a strength and freedom you never thought you were capable of.
dying alone – You can be married for 50 years and still die alone. You can be single with no children and die surrounded by those you love. The thought of dying alone used to plague me. Now I understand I have the most amazing friends and family (no bias here) who would never let that happen.
running out of time to meet someone – Don’t be afraid that you are running out of time. Societal time frames are archaic and outdated. We all live longer. Women have careers to focus on now. If you don’t want to stay single forever, that’s OK. This isn’t a race! Take your time to do you and IF you want look for love when you are ready.
Being single is nothing to be ashamed of. Society tries to impose that we need a significant other to feel complete. These fears are completely natural, but don’r let them consume you. Leaving a relationship can be extremely difficult, especially because many times we get comfortable. Choose to make yourself happy and focus on your own needs rather than on someone else’s.
Check out 20 Dates To Take Yourself On When You Are Single http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/20-dates-to-take-yourself-on-when-you-are-single/
Single: The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent
Until next time….
Ladies, you might not be single forever. Revel in it. Enjoy it. This time you have to learn about yourself and fall in love with yourself is a gift. Make the most of it! Here is a list of 20 dates to take yourself on when you are single.
Take yourself on an ultimate spa date. Pamper yourself with a mani, pedi, and go for the deluxe so you can enjoy the massage. Follow that with a facial if you’re feeling really feisty.
Indulge in an in-home spa day, complete with a bubble bath, scented candles, and wine.
Put on your most comfortable cloths you wouldn’t be caught in public with. Order your favorite take-out food to be delivered to your house. Enjoy a night of binge watching Netflix and guiltless eating.
Stay in and have an ultimate craft night—coloring, painting, drawing, DIY crafts etc. Feeling social? Invite some friends to join you. Enjoy your favorite cocktails. Don’t forget some great music too.
Go to your favorite restaurant, don’t get the same thing you always do, be adventurous and be sure to order something new each time.
Grab your girls and go all out for an evening out on the town—dress to the nines, and hit up all your favorite hot spots.
Spend a random night in the city and get a hotel. Order room service, check out the bar, enjoy like a boss.
Grab some friends and go dancing like fools at the local bar.
Get a picnic blanket, snacks, and a journal or book you’ve been meaning to read and bring the to the nearest forest preserve or park. Set up camp and enjoy the day (sun or shade) by relaxing and enjoying some peace and quiet. Turn your cellphone off and enjoy.
Have a beach day just you, some tunes, and of course, snacks.
Go on a long, relaxing nature walk.
Take yourself to the movies. Be a rule breaker and sneak in your favorite candy.
Go to one of the pretty, touristy places in town and take pictures, grab something to eat at one of the restaurants there, and finish off at a great bakery or coffee shop.
Go to a free cooking, sewing, or scrap-booking. If you’re really feeling adventurous try a self defense class. Enjoy learning something new.
Take a shopping trip by yourself. Enjoy window shopping and treat yourself to at least one thing you don’t really need.
Spend the afternoon volunteering at a homeless shelter feeding those in need or volunteer at a local animal clinic and help, play with, and love on some cute furry friends.
Do something you’re absolutely terrified of completely on your own.
Go to the zoo. Spend the day petting animals, taking pictures, and just having fun on your own.
Throw on some chic clothes and go visit a local museum.
Invite some friends over for a BBQ and have everyone bring a dish they haven’t made before.
Until next time…
As we get older our lives become hectic, between work and other adult responsibilities. Getting a date with the click of a button sounds great. How much easier is it with our busy lives to just go onto an app from our phones to hopefully meet our Mr. Right? But is online dating making women want to stay single.
After being single for a year and a half, I decided to get back in the game. Being 34 years old, working 50 hours a week, and pretty much being over the club scene I was at a loss on how to meet someone. Everywhere we look online dating advertisements showing success story after success story, I decided this was it. Match, Bumble, Tinder, Zoosk and so on I had decisions to make.
I tried every one with little success. The entire ordeal has actually put me back off of dating and I have taken down almost all of my profiles. Nervous like a little school girl I combed through all of my photos to pick just the right ones. Now on to the hard part, your profile. Filling out my resume was less nerve racking and to be honest much easier than this.
Okay so your profile is ready to go and it is time to start swiping. It Can Be A Huge Ego Boost At First. Hundreds of matches, guys winking at you, it’s a whole new world. But then the ugly reality of online dating starts to set in. Masked by the anonymity of approaching you through messaging, men have the courage to lose regard for manners, decency, and lets be honest normal human behavior.
So I enlisted other women to share their online dating experiences with me. Even after all that I had experienced, I was shocked by what they had to say. Their stories ranged from men being married to after a few messages being asked to participate in threesomes. And how can we forget catfishing. Lucy Goes Dating @LucyGoesDating who I follow on Twitter Googled the photo of a catfisher who was attempting to engage her. She then called him out on the fact that is was a models photo. I was inspired by her at this moment!
Here we go…this is my list of why online dating makes women want to stay single:
Young men (I mean very young) messaging you because they think that you are a cougar or desperate because of your age.
No profile picture – I don’t know about you, but that just sends up warning signs all over the place for me.
Grammatically incorrect messages –
Bizarre requests – Yes, you are reading that right, a guy asked me to fart on him!
Naked Pictures – Sorry ladies these photos are to X rated for my blog!
Guys who wear fuzzy animal onesies –
Dirty or inappropriate messages –
Yes, calling a woman you have only exchanged a few messages with babe is inappropriate.
Provided by: Dates, Dinner and Drinks @datesanddrinks
Mmmmm niceing any woman as a way of greeting is gross, especially if you are 21 years her senior.
Asking a woman if she is 420 friendly as your greeting? Really? By the way it is 11 AM on a Monday, don’t you have a job?
Trying to have a conversation with some of these guys is like pulling teeth. Guys on dating apps don’t have any conversation skills.
DO NOT message us saying that you have seen us on other dating sites, followed by the fact that you thought you would reach out to us on this one. I didn’t miss you, I swiped left. For a reason. Now in addition to making things awkward you have shown you have no regard for boundaries and our right to not be interested.
Lastly, ghosting – Now I must be honest here, we ladies do it too. It’s time for all of us to grow up and use our big boy/girl words and be nicely honest. We’re just not interested in you.
I don’t know about you, but I am Exhausted! While online dating can be fun and exciting, it can also be bad for your self-esteem. I have heard more then one woman say I thought I was a 7, but maybe I’m really only a 3. Even if you seem to have found a good one, you go on the obligatory coffee date and here we go with the pseudo job interview. Of course if it doesn’t work out you just go on another forced date. It becomes a nightmarish version of the movie Groundhog Day. This is why online dating makes women want to stay single.
Until next time…
A bad version of the movie Groundhog day!