In today’s age of everyone’s perfect lives on social media, we find ourselves competing with unrealistic ideas of how our lives should be. Many of us also tone down or change who we are to make others happy, or to get the lives we think we want. Well, it’s exhausting. Becoming the person you were meant to be is imperative to finding happiness.
So the question is how do we become the person we are meant to be? We see it all the time: Be You! Become Yourself! But no one actually shares with us how to do that. Whether it be sitting for hours and getting false eyelashes glued to your face (which I have done many times) or something deeper like changing who you are as a person, we all do things to change who we are. So how do we become the person we were meant to be.
The truth is it won’t always be easy or pretty. It will take work. More importantly it will take making mistakes, failure, disappointment, reading (a lot), and that’s just to name a few. Remember to focus on the person that you are, and not the person you wish that you were.
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”
So take a minute and ask yourself, how do I stop being who I am not?
Stop working on trying to be normal and start working on being you. Be authentic. You have to be honest with yourself about what you are passionate about and who it is you really want to be, despite what others think and the social “norm”.
You will odds are feel regret about things from your past. Don’t dwell on them. Use them as learning lessons and move forward.
Stop berating yourself. If you keep telling yourself that you cannot be something or are not worthy of something, it will be a self full filling prophesy. Your truth really is you can be anything that you put your mind to!
Find your truth. Every person has something they were born to do. You have a unique purpose for being here, and you have to find it.
So remember learn who you are, love who you are, and live who you are.
I have been a people pleaser for as long as I can remember. The sacrifice has been to always make others happy at the cost of my mental and physical health, my own respect, and my own happiness. What I thought was my worth was based on what I gave to others.
Unfortunately most people took advantage of that, leaving me feeling sad, hurt, and angry at myself. Some unconsciously took advantage of it. At the end of the day I was always feeling empty, and not worth much.
It took a very bad situation I got myself into, in order for me to realize that I needed to get help and change. My family and friends rallied around me. The common advice was I needed to see my self worth because I deserve so much better than my poor choices.
I felt so badly at the time it was almost painful to hear how amazing they all think that I am. How worthy I am. I would shake my head and say yes, then cry by myself because I just wished that I could see myself through their eyes.
So I started reading up on how to change my perception of myself and how to change my behavior. It wasn’t easy. It was really hard to hear some of the things that I had to come to terms with. I had to hear them or I could never change my self destructive behavior though.
One of the hardest things I had to acknowledge was that I would sexualize myself to get attention. Over the top makeup, lower cut shirts, tight bottoms, anything for attention. If I wasn’t getting looks and/or attention I felt terrible. Of course this is extremely embarrassing, especially because all I ever wanted was for one person to love me. My intention was never to be promiscuous, but I would feel validated with sexual attention.
Friendships is another area that this destructive behavior was prevalent. Time and time again I have been absolutely heartbroken by so called friends. My family and friends have a running joke about me taking in strays. From the time I was in high school, I would take in friends who didn’t have a place to go. Making my family an involuntary part of my behavior. These “friends” that I took in stole from my family, myself, lied to me, and took advantage every way they could. If I could get back all of the money I have lent out and never received back I would probably be able to pay off all of my debt.
So, I took a couple of days to myself and did some soul searching. I pinpointed a lot of my destructive behaviors. Then I decided to get to work. I began doing exercises like writing a list of what I love, respect, and admire about myself. I downloaded an amazing app named Sanity and Self. https://www.sanityandself.com/ I began working on it every day. I know affirmations can make you feel stupid, but I tried it. Believe it or not they work! It’s about changing what you say to yourself and how you make yourself feel.
Sanity and Self is so much more than affirmations. There is something for everyone. This app has been life changing for me. It has inspired me beyond words. I started with a one week series on self love. It covered self-esteem, self respect, confidence, personal growth, and more. This app is perfect for helping you with self worth.
Basing your self worth on others perpetuates an endless cycle of self hate. We all need to start somewhere. I have barely begun my journey and it is nowhere near over. It is something I need to work on every day.
I don’t know about you, but there have definitely been times in my life when the negativity around me threatened to engulf me. As hard as it is not succumbing to the negativity being thrown your way, it is in the end your choice. And believe me the ones surrounding you with negative vibes, want nothing more than for you to drown in it. So here are some ways on how to survive negativity.
Family, friends, co-workers, romantic partners, it doesn’t matter who it is, stay away from negative people. Your response to me on that..I can’t just cut out my family, co-workers etc. You don’t have to necessarily. You can limit your interactions with them, or end an interaction when the negative vibes start coming.
While it might seem personal, negative people in your life do not have a problem with you. Odds are they have a problem with themselves, hence why they are always negative. Not taking it personally is way harder than it sounds. I am infamous for taking things personally. It is something I work on daily.
This next one is the hardest for me. Only you have control over how you react to situations that come your way. Change the way you think and change the way that you react. It is impossible to have a positive life with a negative attitude.
Change the way you think, more importantly change the way you talk to yourself. Although these thoughts are automatic with practice and time, you can change them. How you think will directly affects how you live.
Only those who suffer from anxiety can truly understand how frightening and horrific it is. Suddenly you feel like you cannot breathe, you feel like you need to break open your chest to get some relief, the feeling of crawling out of your skin, breaking out in a sweat, and overwhelming dizziness. Living with anxiety can make you feel crazy and broken. But, you are not! Here is how I live with crippling anxiety.
The scariest thing to do is talk about having anxiety. People are terrified of looking crazy, not perfect, or damaged. Having anxiety doesn’t make you any of those things. And believe it or not, many people around you odds are suffer from anxiety too. It is important to find someone that also suffers from anxiety that you can talk to.
Although many people do not like going to the doctor or taking medication, I have found that it is necessary in helping me to control my anxiety. While, I do not solely depend on medication to deal with my anxiety, it is a big part of keeping it under control.
Another instrumental tool I use in battling my anxiety is exercise. Whether it be just going for a long walk, or going to the gym for an intense work out, excising helps. I can feel the difference when I work out and when I don’t.
Breathing. It sounds easy, I know. But it isn’t always. So, I take a step back and tell myself to breath. Specifically, I try t use the 5-7-9 method of breathing. Inhale for 5 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and exhale for 9 seconds.
Get enough sleep. People make fun of me all of the time because I am almost militant about getting enough sleep. I do not budge on this because I know how important it is to keep my anxiety under control.
My sister actually taught me this one and it works. Multiplication tables. I know it sounds weird but it truly helps. Counting backwards also helps.
Anxiety can be immobilizing. Living with anxiety can seem unbearable, but you can live a normal and happy life with anxiety. You just need to find what works for you.
This new digital age of dating is awful! First ghosting, now breadcrumbing, what’s next? So many ways of digital rejection. So first if you don’t know what this is, check out Breadcrumbing Because Ghosting Wasn’t Bad Enough.
2.) Don’t take the blame. There is nothing wrong with you! And regardless of what they say or how they make you feel you did nothing to illicit their behavior.
3.) Call out there behavior. it probably won’t make a difference, but it will make you feel better. also, I believe that the more we call them out, the higher chance they will stop their shitty behavior.
4.) Stop Responding. the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. When you do this they will probably make an effort to show you more attention. Don’t fall for it.
Know your worth. Don’t waste your time on someone who is just stringing you along. The signs are there, and you can usually see them rather quickly. You are much better off being single than being taken advantage of.
Breadcrumbing like ghosting is savage AF. At the end of the day you are lucking out because breadcrumbers are either lonely, fearful of being alone, sadistic, or simply selfish. Who want’s that kind of POS in their life? Believe the red flags, they are real.