Becoming The Person You Were Meant To Be

Becoming The Person You Were Meant To Be

Becoming The Person You Were Meant To Be

In today’s age of everyone’s perfect lives on social media, we find ourselves competing with unrealistic ideas of how our lives should be. Many of us also tone down or change who we are to make others happy, or to get the lives we think we want. Well, it’s exhausting. Becoming the person you were meant to be is imperative to finding happiness. 

So the question is how do we become the person we are meant to be? We see it all the time: Be You! Become Yourself! But no one actually shares with us how to do that. Whether it be sitting for hours and getting false eyelashes glued to your face (which I have done many times) or something deeper like changing who you are as a person, we all do things to change who we are. So how do we become the person we were meant to be. 

The truth is it won’t always be easy or pretty. It will take work. More importantly it will take making mistakes, failure, disappointment, reading (a lot), and that’s just to name a few. Remember to focus on the person that you are, and not the person you wish that you were.

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

E.E. Cummings

So take a minute and ask yourself, how do I stop being who I am not?

Stop working on trying to be normal and start working on being you. Be authentic.
You have to be honest with yourself about what you are passionate about and who it is you really want to be, despite what others think and the social “norm”.

You will odds are feel regret about things from your past. Don’t dwell on them. Use them as learning lessons and move forward.

Stop berating yourself. If you keep telling yourself that you cannot be something or are not worthy of something, it will be a self full filling prophesy. Your truth really is you can be anything that you put your mind to!

Find your truth.
 Every person has something they were born to do. You have a unique purpose for being here, and you have to find it.

So remember learn who you are, love who you are, and live who you are.

Finding My Self Worth

Finding My Self Worth

Finding My Self Worth

 I have been a people pleaser for as long as I can remember. The sacrifice has been to always make others happy at the cost of my mental and physical health, my own respect, and my own happiness. What I thought was my worth was based on what I gave to others. 


Unfortunately most people took advantage of that, leaving me feeling sad, hurt, and angry at myself. Some unconsciously took advantage of it. At the end of the day I was always feeling empty, and not worth much.


It took a very bad situation I got myself into, in order for me to realize that I needed to get help and change. My family and friends rallied around me. The common advice was I needed to see my self worth because I deserve so much better than my poor choices.


I felt so badly at the time it was almost painful to hear how amazing they all think that I am. How worthy I am. I would shake my head and say yes, then cry by myself because I just wished that I could see myself through their eyes.


So I started reading up on how to change my perception of myself and how to change my behavior. It wasn’t easy. It was really hard to hear some of the things that I had to come to terms with. I had to hear them or I could never change my self destructive behavior though.


One of the hardest things I had to acknowledge was that I would sexualize myself to get attention. Over the top makeup, lower cut shirts, tight bottoms, anything for attention. If I wasn’t getting looks and/or attention I felt terrible. Of course this is extremely embarrassing, especially because all I ever wanted was for one person to love me. My intention was never to be promiscuous, but I would feel validated with sexual attention.


Friendships is another area that this destructive behavior was prevalent. Time and time again I have been absolutely heartbroken by so called friends. My family and friends have a running joke about me taking in strays. From the time I was in high school, I would take in friends who didn’t have a place to go. Making my family an involuntary part of my behavior. These “friends” that I took in stole from my family, myself, lied to me, and took advantage every way they could. If I could get back all of the money I have lent out and never received back I would probably be able to pay off all of my debt.


Still for some ungodly reason, I would make excuses for these people and feel more worthless about myself.


So, I took a couple of days to myself and did some soul searching. I pinpointed a lot of my destructive behaviors. Then I decided to get to work. I began doing exercises like writing a list of what I love, respect, and admire about myself. I downloaded an amazing app named Sanity and Self. I began working on it every day. I know affirmations can make you feel stupid, but I tried it. Believe it or not they work! It’s about changing what you say to yourself and how you make yourself feel.

Sanity and Self is so much more than affirmations. There is something for everyone. This app has been life changing for me. It has inspired me beyond words. I started with a one week series on self love. It covered self-esteem, self respect, confidence, personal growth, and more. This app is perfect for helping you with self worth.


Basing your self worth on others perpetuates an endless cycle of self hate. We all need to start somewhere. I have barely begun my journey and it is nowhere near over. It is something I need to work on every day.


Addicted To Helping: Why I Needed To Stop Trying To Fix People

Addicted To Helping: Why I Needed To Stop Trying To Fix People

Looking back at my life, I realize that I am forever trying to fix people, or save them. It has actually become a running commentary with those I care about. The reason being is because 90% of the time I end up getting hurt trying to help others.

Addicted To Helping: Why I Needed To Stop Trying To Fix People

Am I a natural caregiver? Yes. However, after doing a lot of reading and even talking to my therapist about it I realized something. I think that deep down it is a way for me to show my love.

Prostrating myself at the needs of others has become normal for me. No matter what the problem is I will bend over backwards to try to fix it. 

You’re broke? Here I will give you money. 

You’re hurting? Here let me drop everything to make you feel better. 

You need time to figure things out? I’ll stand in the wings waiting for you to make the right decision, no matter the disrespect. 

Addicted To Helping: Why I Needed To Stop Trying To Fix People

I have been doing a lot of soul searching. What I have realized is that I can still be a good person and a great friend without trying to save the world. Especially at my expense. We teach the world how to treat us. If we tolerate always being expected to come to the rescue, or put everyone else’s feelings first, that is how we will be treated.

When you allow this trait or nurturing (which should be a good thing) to become self destructive, it can be a dangerous thing. This unhealthy version of being a caring person, now has warped our sense of love. Love begins to feel like a never ending stream of sacrifices.

Being caring and nurturing is one thing. Trying to fix people is something else entirely. We cannot change people, we cannot save people, and we cannot fix people. Those are things others must do for themselves. We cannot take on the emotional hurt that comes with watching them make mistakes, bad decisions, or not changing what is broken.

For my own sanity, I had to come to terms with the fact that I cannot fix everyone. It is not my job to fix everyone, and if it was it would be a crappy job, because more times than not I would fail.

I had to come to the realization that I had become addicted to being a martyr. I needed to have people around to help. At the end of the day, that is something I need to fix within myself.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. In order to keep my sanity and no longer be disrespected I realized I need to stop trying to fix people. I cannot want them to be healthy , safe, successful, yada yada more than they do for themselves.

This right here is the best when it pertains to trying to fix a person you are in a relationship with or trying to have a relationship with.

At the end of the day it can be someone you are dating, a friend, a co worker, or even a family member. You can still be supportive but make sure you keep boundaries. Do not try to fix them or save them. Let them know you wish them the best with their situation and you are there to listen. Leave it at that. Stop breaking your beautiful heart to see a smile cross a broken persons face.

Never let your caring personality be taken advantage of!! It is a beautiful thing to have a caring heart and try to help people but not at the expense of your mind, heart, and happiness. Until next time…

How To Survive Negativity

How To Survive Negativity

How To Survive Negativity

I don’t know about you, but there have definitely been times in my life when the negativity around me threatened to engulf me. As hard as it is not succumbing to the negativity being thrown your way, it is in the end your choice. And believe me the ones surrounding you with negative vibes, want nothing more than for you to drown in it. So here are some ways on how to survive negativity. 


Family, friends, co-workers, romantic partners, it doesn’t matter who it is, stay away from negative people. Your response to me on that..I can’t just cut out my family, co-workers etc. You don’t have to necessarily. You can limit your interactions with them, or end an interaction when the negative vibes start coming.


While it might seem personal, negative people in your life do not have a problem with you. Odds are they have a problem with themselves, hence why they are always negative. Not taking it personally is way harder than it sounds. I am infamous for taking things personally. It is something I work on daily.


There are some people who always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Walk away; the battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it is with themselves.     

Start spending time with people who are positive. As we get older, it is harder to meet new people and make new friends. Actively seeking out positive people is important though.


This next one is the hardest for me. Only you have control over how you react to situations that come your way. Change the way you think and change the way that you react. It is impossible to have a positive life with a negative attitude.


Change the way you think, more importantly change the way you talk to yourself. Although these thoughts are automatic with practice and time, you can change them. How you think will directly affects how you live.


When you run into Debbie Downer, Negative Nancy or Pessimistic Patty run! Negativity will envelope you before you know it given the chance. These are just a few ways that I survive negativity.

I'm not to picky, I just deserve better

I’m not to picky, I just deserve better

I'm not to picky, I just deserve better

Having been single for quite some time, I am often accused of being to picky. But why is being picky actually a bad thing? When looking for a long term relationship and not just a fling, shouldn’t we choose wisely? Besides, it’s not that I’m picky, it’s that I know I deserve more than what I’ve been offered so far.




I am a self sufficient woman, who has family, friends, and two amazing dogs. My career is fulfilling. There is not one aspect of my life that I feel is lacking. So why should I settle?


At this point it probably seems that I am light years behind others at my age and might never meet someone. I personally don’t believe that, however it definitely wouldn’t be the worst fate. I will not settle for the sake of not being single.


Yes, I have a bad track record when it comes to dating. But I am grateful for it. Everyone of those ugly experiences taught me what not to tolerate. I am confident enough now to never allow certain behaviors again.


Being a smart, funny, and moderately attractive woman, I know what I bring to the table. Why would I want to waste time on someone who doesn’t have a lot to offer as well?


There is no rushing perfection, there is also no rushing finding “the one”. Taking my time for one of the most important decisions of my life is most certainly not being “too picky” it just makes sense.


In addition to not being willing to settle, the next time I am with someone I want it to be long term. I would rather be alone and happy then involved and unhappy. The next time I fall in love I want it to last. That is worth waiting for.

I have changed many times in the past to fit into someone else’s life. I will never do that again. Being a chameleon isn’t fun. I like my life, who I am, and what I enjoy. If someone doesn’t fit into my life then they are not for me.


Finding someone to spend the rest of your life with isn’t a race. There is no right time frame.

Is this the journey I thought I would be on at this point in my life? No. Am I upset that this is the journey I am on? Definitely not. I am learning, growing, and experiencing new things all of the time. Why settle with the wrong person, just to be with someone? Forever is a very long time to be miserable. I would rather be happily single, than unhappily coupled.

Come check out 30 Reasons Why It Is Great To Be Single In Your 30’s

My Journey To Self Love

My Journey To Self Love
Self Love is the new #relationshipgoals

When I used to think of self love, I thought about accepting and loving my body/my looks. Since starting on my journey to self love, I realized it is so much more than that. Learning to care for your mind, body, and soul is true self love. 


If you struggle with self love like many of us do, I think it is important to do some soul searching. Try to figure out why you have a hard time loving yourself. If you can face something from your past, that makes it hard to love yourself, it will make it easier to get past it.

My journey to self love has been a constant battle. Finding it in me to say no to people, taking time to myself, instead of doing something to benefit others, and honestly figuring out what self love is personally. One thing I have learned in my journey, is that self love does not come easily or naturally. It is really something that needs to be worked at.

Going to the gym, excising, and eating healthy are habits that I have learned are necessary for self love. I do not do this for the perfect weight, complexion, or smile, but so I feel healthy. Yes, I exercise to maintain a healthy weight, but more importantly, I exercise for my anxiety and a good nights sleep.

One of the best things that has come from my journey to self love is my confidence has grown. I have also learned to steer clear of negativity. I do not care if it is friends, family, co workers, any one who brings negativity to my life is someone I do not want to be around.

The journey to self love will be different for everyone. Self love is not something we are born with, nor is it something we are usually taught at a young age. It is something we must discover for ourselves.


Check out How To Begin Loving Yourself In 5 Easy Steps

What I learned From My Last Breakup

What I learned From My Last Breakup

I had been single for quite a while until recently. In that time I had learned who I am, what I want, and most importantly to love myself. That was a game changer. I was comfortable being single. Having taken the time to learn those things about myself, is what actually allowed me to break off the relationship.

I just recently ended a six week relationship. There were a number of red flags during our brief time together. I was getting a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. I probably should have ended things even sooner, but the fact that I did end it as soon as I did was a total win for me.

Where in the past I would ignore these red flags and gut feelings, I didn’t look the other way this time. I ended the relationship. Granted he was extremely nice, had a decent job, and impressed my family. Yet, at the end of the day my stomach was in knots because something just wasn’t right.

So, I ended things. Here is what I learned from my breakup.

I have become to happy with my life to settle.

As much as I hate confrontation, I had to face the situation head on. It was important to be clear, firm, and kind. One of the important things that I learned was that I had to be clear that it was over, firm in not allowing him to get me to give him another chance, and kind so that I didn’t unnecessarily hurt him.

Listen to your gut. While others might say you are being picky, this is why you are alone, or you’re not giving someone a chance, don’t ignore your gut!

The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.

I am forever growing and continuously changing. I want to be defined by my accomplishments and not a relationship status.

For most of my life I have clung to relationships that were completely unhealthy. Thinking that I could “fix” the other person or if I loved them enough it would get better. Being a couple was better than being single, even if it wasn’t a healthy relationship. I learned this kind of thinking is just crazy!

Breaking up is not a reflection of my self worth.

Did Ariana Grande not nail it with her song Thank you, next? Even if every relationship isn’t the best it still teaches you something. Rather than staying angry, look back at the relationship with clear eyes and see what it taught you.

So, this is what I learned from my last breakup. What did you learn from yours? Comment below and let us know.

Check out Why it’s great to be single in your 30’s

Until next


25 Top Songs For Singles

25 Top Songs For Singles

25 Top Songs For Singles

Music is an important part of my life. Whether it be a way to express my pain or an escape from the world, music is an outlet for me. It is important to be able to relate to the music that you are listening to. So I wanted to share my favorite songs for singles. Single never sounded so good!

1. Ridin’ Solo – Jason Derulo

2. Bad at Love – Halsey

3. Sorry Not Sorry – Demi Lovato

4. Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad – Meatloaf

5. Echo – Gorilla Zoe

6. Piece of My Heart – Janice Joplin

7. New Rules – Dua Lipa

8. Miserable – LIT

9. Ohio is For Lovers – Hawthorne Heights

10. Maneater – Nelly Furtado

11. Stronger- Brittany Spears

12. You Don’t Own Me – Grace featuring G-Easy

13. Single Ladies – Beyonce

14. He Wasn’t Man Enough For Me – Toni Braxton

15. Hit Em Up Style – Blu Cantrell featuring Foxy Brown

16. I Don’t Wanna Be In Love – Good Charlotte

17. Fighter – Christina Aguilera

18. Tie Me Down – New Boyz

19. Needed Me – Rihanna

20. Nothing Breaks Like A Heart – Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus 

21. Thank you, Next – Ariana Grande 

22. Leave Me Alone – Flipp Dinero 

23. Solo De Mi – Bad Bunny

24. Feeling Myself – Beyonce featuring Nicki Minaj 

25. Born This Way – Lady Gaga 

Come check out my playlist on Spotify.

Come check out my responses to the question Why are you still single?

Until next time…..

How I Live With Crippling Anxiety

How I Live With Crippling Anxiety

How I Live With Crippling Anxiety

Only those who suffer from anxiety can truly understand how frightening and horrific it is. Suddenly you feel like you cannot breathe, you feel like you need to break open your chest to get some relief, the feeling of crawling out of your skin, breaking out in a sweat, and overwhelming dizziness. Living with anxiety can make you feel crazy and broken. But, you are not! Here is how I live with crippling anxiety.

The scariest thing to do is talk about having anxiety. People are terrified of looking crazy, not perfect, or damaged. Having anxiety doesn’t make you any of those things. And believe it or not, many people around you odds are suffer from anxiety too. It is important to find someone that also suffers from anxiety that you can talk to.

Although many people do not like going to the doctor or taking medication, I have found that it is necessary in helping me to control my anxiety. While, I do not solely depend on medication to deal with my anxiety, it is a big part of keeping it under control.

Another instrumental tool I use in battling my anxiety is exercise. Whether it be just going for a long walk, or going to the gym for an intense work out, excising helps. I can feel the difference when I work out and when I don’t.

Breathing. It sounds easy, I know. But it isn’t always. So, I take a step back and tell myself to breath. Specifically, I try t use the 5-7-9 method of breathing. Inhale for 5 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and exhale for 9 seconds.

Get enough sleep. People make fun of me all of the time because I am almost militant about getting enough sleep. I do not budge on this because I know how important it is to keep my anxiety under control.

My sister actually taught me this one and it works. Multiplication tables. I know it sounds weird but it truly helps. Counting backwards also helps.

Anxiety can be immobilizing. Living with anxiety can seem unbearable, but you can live a normal and happy life with anxiety. You just need to find what works for you.

If you need help check out the Anxiety And Depression Association Of America

Don’t miss my post on living with mental illness

How To Celebrate Valentine’s Day When You Are Single

How To Celebrate Valentine's Day When You Are Single

If you are in a relationship on Valentine’s Day, it is a time to remember all of the reasons you are together. It is a cute and happy holiday. However, if you are single you might not be so excited for Valentine’s Day. But being single on Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean you have to lock yourself away or not enjoy the day.
Your mood and outlook about Valentine’s Day is up to you. So choose to enjoy it! Here is a list of things to do on Valentine’s Day when you are single.

1. Sign up for a subscription box. Find something that you love and find a cool subscription box geared towards it. Single swag is one of my favorites!

Another one of my favorites is Ipsy. If you are a makeup lover definitely treat yourself to this!

Stitch Fix is the absolute best if you are looking to shake up your wardrobe. I have been ordering boxes from them for about 2 years. Spoil yourself for Valentine’s Day. Use this code and get $25 toward your order.


2. Babysit for a couple who rarely gets a night out. Me? I love being the cool Auntie. Hang out with your nieces and nephews for the evening. I never feel more loved then when I am with those children! 


3. Throw an Anti Valentine’s Day Party. Take a page out of Jessica Biel’s book from the movie Valentine’s Day. Get together your single friends and have a blast. Surely you are not the only one who is spending Valentine’s Day. Why not make it fun?


4. Pamper yourself. I myself always love a good massage. A facial or pedicure will do too!


5. Enjoy an indulgent night in. Light some candles, take a bubble bath, have a glass of wine, and enjoy some chocolate.


6. Remember all of the reasons you love being single. While you normally love being single, you can get swept up in the loneliness of being alone on Valentine’s Day. DON’T! There are so many things that are awesome about being single. Take a minute to remember them. For example, I love being able to book a trip and get on a plane without checking in with anyone. I love being able to watch Netflix and chill with my dog whenever I want.


7. Love yourself. Just because you are single (on Valentine’s Day no less) doesn’t mean you are unlovable. You are amazing, remind yourself of that. Above all else practice self-love.


Single? Taken? Who cares you are awesome! Don’t let Valentine’s Day ruin your day, or even worse make you feel bad about yourself! “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” — Oscar Wilde

Don’t forget to check out another post for Single Women on Valentine’s Day