For as long as I can remember, being good enough is something I have struggled with. Being pretty enough, being smart enough, being liked enough, all things I never believed that I was. Damage from childhood and past relationships continued to make me doubt myself. I have journeyed for the past three years to overcome this mindset. As I continue on my journey I have realized that my overachiever attitude is really insecurity.
Due to my crippling insecurity, I work ten times as hard as most in order to not just get accilades, but more importantly to avoid criticism. Criticism, even constructive criticism can be debilitating to someone with low self esteem. I was the fastest moving up manager at a restaurant that I used to manage. When I decided to go back to school, I graduated with my Bachelor’s Degree on President’s List. While these are all accomplishments to be proud of, I find myself obsessing over my successes so I do not fail.
Of course this sounds good in theory, but at what expense? This overachiever attitude leads to an extremely high stress level and a limited work to personal time ratio. I find that this overachiever attitude also pertains to my friendships, family relationships, and romantic relationships. Always trying to please everyone, I often find myself exhausted and not truly happy. Yet, my insecurity and the thought of angering others, it has always been easier not to say no. Granted, I feel like this is a trait many women have, always wanting to make others happy.
My overachiever attitude really being insecurity was a hard pill for me to swallow. However, realizing what the ugly truth is, allows me to work on changing it. Now don’t get me wrong, I will never be good with criticism and not caring what others think. I will be able to not make myself crazy by overachieving to offset my insecurities.
Without acknowledging it, facing it, and changing it, my insecurity will always be masked by my overachiever attitude.
Until Next Time…