As we get older the thought of being alone can be terrifying. Being in a relationship is idealized and romanticized. Even in today’s society being in a relationship is by the majority thought to be “normal”. Choosing to be single is thought to be “abnormal”. Obviously, there are other concerns like the financial burden of not having a shared income. Therefore, some people would rather be in miserable relationships than be alone.
There are so many positives of single life, that fear can make people overlook. Don’t let the fear of being “alone” keep you trapped in a bad relationship, or continually settling for less just to be with someone. Being in my mid 30’s, I was terrified at the thought of being alone, until I let myself be alone. Choosing to be single is the most liberating thing I have ever done.
Here are 15 fears people have about being single:
not having validation – You are not defined by your relationship with others or lack there of.
not being happy – Being in a relationship DOES NOT ALWAYS mean happiness. You CAN NOT depend on another person for your happiness. You must learn to make yourself happy.
Not having sex again – Well, i’ll be honest this one still worries me a bit. but let’s be honest we can have great safe sex being single. And who knows singles might be having more sex than those in relationships.
not being loved – The love you can give yourself is stronger and more pure than the love anyone else can offer (except maybe your dog).
not being whole – You are whole on your own. You are not broken or missing half of yourself. There is no on out there who is going to complete you. You need to be able to complete yourself.
being lonely – You don’t have to be lonely. First of all you will learn to love spending time with you. Most importantly, I have been more lonely when I was in certain relationships then I ever have being single.
family and FRIEND pressure – Although family and friends might harp on the fact that you are single, they are not doing it to be hurtful. Now, that doesn’t mean that it is pleasant, or it doesn’t get annoying or hurt. But, you can not let it affect you as much. Ignore it! You know how happy and amazing you are! Odds are some of them are actually jealous of your singledom!
Having to watch every last person in your life get married and have kids – this can be tough at times. It can also be liberating. I literally have watched everyone in my life get married and have kids. I’m not going to lie, sometimes it hurts a little. But, I can book a flight anywhere I want at the drop of a dime and visit somewhere I have never been. Believe me I do it often!
companionship – The only companionship you need is your own.
being unable to take care of yourself – You will not be unable to take care of yourself. In fact, you will be able to be your main priority.
having a partner to offer you the world – You don’t need anyone to offer you the world. You can give that to yourself. (This is probably one of my favorite)
having to go through tough times and illness alone – You will not have to go through the tough times or being ill alone. One of my best friends is also single and through tough times and illness neither of us have ever been alone. Friends and family will always be by your side. I have had to be put to sleep for a couple of procedures and my sister was there when I was done each time.
just being single – Being single for an extended period of time will give you a strength and freedom you never thought you were capable of.
dying alone – You can be married for 50 years and still die alone. You can be single with no children and die surrounded by those you love. The thought of dying alone used to plague me. Now I understand I have the most amazing friends and family (no bias here) who would never let that happen.
running out of time to meet someone – Don’t be afraid that you are running out of time. Societal time frames are archaic and outdated. We all live longer. Women have careers to focus on now. If you don’t want to stay single forever, that’s OK. This isn’t a race! Take your time to do you and IF you want look for love when you are ready.
Being single is nothing to be ashamed of. Society tries to impose that we need a significant other to feel complete. These fears are completely natural, but don’r let them consume you. Leaving a relationship can be extremely difficult, especially because many times we get comfortable. Choose to make yourself happy and focus on your own needs rather than on someone else’s.
Ladies, you might not be single forever. Revel in it. Enjoy it. This time you have to learn about yourself and fall in love with yourself is a gift. Make the most of it! Here is a list of 20 dates to take yourself on when you are single.
Take yourself on an ultimate spa date. Pamper yourself with a mani, pedi, and go for the deluxe so you can enjoy the massage. Follow that with a facial if you’re feeling really feisty.
Indulge in an in-home spa day, complete with a bubble bath, scented candles, and wine.
Put on your most comfortable cloths you wouldn’t be caught in public with. Order your favorite take-out food to be delivered to your house. Enjoy a night of binge watching Netflix and guiltless eating.
Stay in and have an ultimate craft night—coloring, painting, drawing, DIY crafts etc. Feeling social? Invite some friends to join you. Enjoy your favorite cocktails. Don’t forget some great music too.
Go to your favorite restaurant, don’t get the same thing you always do, be adventurous and be sure to order something new each time.
Grab your girls and go all out for an evening out on the town—dress to the nines, and hit up all your favorite hot spots.
Spend a random night in the city and get a hotel. Order room service, check out the bar, enjoy like a boss.
Grab some friends and go dancing like fools at the local bar.
Get a picnic blanket, snacks, and a journal or book you’ve been meaning to read and bring the to the nearest forest preserve or park. Set up camp and enjoy the day (sun or shade) by relaxing and enjoying some peace and quiet. Turn your cellphone off and enjoy.
Have a beach day just you, some tunes, and of course, snacks.
Go on a long, relaxing nature walk.
Take yourself to the movies. Be a rule breaker and sneak in your favorite candy.
Go to one of the pretty, touristy places in town and take pictures, grab something to eat at one of the restaurants there, and finish off at a great bakery or coffee shop.
Go to a free cooking, sewing, or scrap-booking. If you’re really feeling adventurous try a self defense class. Enjoy learning something new.
Take a shopping trip by yourself. Enjoy window shopping and treat yourself to at least one thing you don’t really need.
Spend the afternoon volunteering at a homeless shelter feeding those in need or volunteer at a local animal clinic and help, play with, and love on some cute furry friends.
Do something you’re absolutely terrified of completely on your own.
Go to the zoo. Spend the day petting animals, taking pictures, and just having fun on your own.
Throw on some chic clothes and go visit a local museum.
Invite some friends over for a BBQ and have everyone bring a dish they haven’t made before.
How very peculiar is it that in this day and age being single is such an outrage. A person is considered to be more “normal” and socially accepted if they are in a relationship or married, even if it is not a healthy relationship. I created this blog because I love being single, The freedom that comes with being single is unparalleled. Never in my life have I been happier then I am in this moment. I truly believe that one has to take time to get to know themselves, find out who they truly are, and what it is that they want in life before they can ever be in a happy healthy relationship. The only thing I am committed to right now is bettering myself. There is nothing wrong with being single.
I’ve been going to the same nail salon for many years. They have seen me with an ex-boyfriend for many years. However, now that I have been single for over a year they ask me continuously, do you have a boyfriend? Are you looking? Because I have taken no interest in dating the gentleman doing my nails today actually asked me are you looking for a girlfriend? Are you gay? Isn’t it funny that because I am a woman in my mid 30’s who is not looking for relationship the automatic assumption is that either I am gay or there is something wrong with me? It is beyond people’s comprehension that a woman can just actually be happy being single.
I created a Twitter account to promote my blog along with a page on Facebook, Fabulously Single. I have received private messages on both from men attempting to engage me in conversation beyond the scope of my blog and beyond the scope of friendship. Isn’t it funny that my blog is mainly about being single and the journey to find myself, yet people continue to try to contact me to either get with me or start a relationship?
The reason I find this funny it’s because I’m obviously happy where I am and in no way, shape, or form interested in a relationship or hooking up with strangers. It makes me feel that these men think I am either not truly happy being single or would like nothing more than to find a relationship. That single women will drop what they are doing at even the hint of opportunity for a relationship or random sex. Well sorry to disappoint you guys, I am happy being single, and I can pleasure myself without your help.
Now this is a new notion for me, as I was a serial dater for a very long time. I hated being single. Being single was embarrassing to me. A relationship made me feel validated. It took me a very long time to come to the realization that this was crap! I am a complete person, who does not need a relationship to validate me.
Until we can complete ourselves we can never truly be in a healthy relationship. Society trains us that we need to look for somebody else to complete us, I completely disagree. We cannot be anybody else’s complete happiness, just as nobody else can be our complete happiness. We need to learn to love ourselves, instead of the idea of others loving us. Being single does not mean broken, actively looking, gay, straight, or anything else. The stigma of being single is alive and kicking. It can get overwhelmingly annoying at times. Although people’s attitudes perplex me, I continue to find the humor in these situations. Being single doesn’t always mean being lonely, just as being in a relationship doesn’t always mean being happy. Nothing wrong with being single is something we must remind ourselves of.
I am single. Don’t pity me. I am single by choice. I am not lonely. I am done settling. I am done being a chameleon to be in a relationship. I am done dating shitty people. Now I have grown, I know what I want and what I deserve. I am on a journey to continue to find and create myself. When I am ready for a relationship I will not mind waiting for the right one. It is better to be single with standards than in a relationship settling for less. There is nothing wrong with being single.