We’ve all been hurt in life, had our egos bruised, hearts broken, and maybe having to second guess our views on love in general. Some of us have been hurt worse then others. We all deal with that hurt differently. I put up walls that almost no one could get through, didn’t trust anyone, and was pretty jaded. Having been hurt in relationships before made me guarded.
I am truly blessed to have a boyfriend who saw my behavior for what it was, a defense mechanism. He didn’t run, instead he told me I wouldn’t scare him off. One by one I began to shed my defenses and let him in.
One of the hardest things to do is to let down our armor and let people see us. To let ourselves be vulnerable. To take a chance once we’ve already been burned. But if you don’t then you will never be able to be in a happy healthy relationship.
Being hurt in relationships is a part of life. Past hurts are not limited to relationships, they can also include hurt from our childhoods. Past hurts don’t have to rob us of happiness in our current relationships. In fact they can actually lead to stronger and healthier relationships.
One of the most important things I did in this relationship is be honest about my past hurts. Now I don’t mean that as soon as we started dating I spewed out all of my most embarrassing issues that hurt me in the past. But I did communicate to my boyfriend that I was in an abusive relationship towards the beginning so that he would have an understanding of some of my behaviors. Now, I try to let him know when a situation makes me think of the past.
Loving yourself is so important. Not only can it keep the past from happening again, it can change how you handle situations. Part of loving yourself is changing the way you talk to yourself. This can help the way you interact with your significant other.
Get rid of fight or flight. Stay and calmly work through whatever is going on. All relationships will get tough. Avoidance and fighting are both bad options. If you truly want to make the relationship work, you will have to take a deep breath and don’t give up.
It’s okay to forgive and to forgive readily. You do not lose anything by forgiving someone that you love.
My boyfriend has patiently taught me that my vulnerabilities are not something that I need to be ashamed of. You shouldn’t hide your vulnerabilities, they are part of you. He has also shown me that I do not have to be perfect to be loved. Luckily my boyfriend also encourages me to be myself. All of these things have helped me to not allow my past hurts to hinder our relationship.
Use your friends for guidance and support. When I know that I am taking something from my past out on my boyfriend, I call my best friend and she talks it through with me. Close friends can really help you talk through the situation with you so that you don’t allow the hurt from teh past to control your future.
In my case what had caused the majority of my hurt was abusive behavior. It is easy to run to what is known because it is what is comfortable. Working on a new and healthy relationship can be awkward. You might not know how to react to something that is new and so good. Breathe through it. It is possible to let go of past hurts and be in a happy and healthy relationship.
Check out this awesome video about letting go of your past
Also one website that has helped me tremendously is https://www.sanityandself.com/
Come check out How To Let Someone Love you http://www.fabulouslysingle.life/how-to-let-someone-love-you/
Maintaining a strong sense of self when in a relationship is so important to your own personal health and the health of your relationship. This is something I have just recently come to learn. For the first time in my life it is also something that I have been able to put into practice.
It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married for years or are newly in a relationship, loss of self can happen through out a relationship. Falling in love is new and exciting. It is easy to get wrapped up and forget about you instead of we.
Making yourself a priority when you are in a relationship isn’t selfish, it’s imperative to not losing one’s self. That doesn’t meant that you do not make your partner a priority as well, but you can put you first without being self-centered.
DO NOT LET SPENDING QUALITY TIME WITH YOUR BESTIES FALL TO THE WAY SIDE!
Spending time with amazing friends in Maui.
Your besties are your support group, your sounding board, and so much more. Your besties will also always be there for you, you don’t break up with or divorce your besties. Never stop spending time with them just because you are in a relationship.
DO NOT FORGET ABOUT YOUR FAMILY.
Ladies night out with my sister and mom.
Even though your family may drive you crazy they will always be there for you. Don’t forget about them just because you are in a relationship.
DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOUR HOBBIES.
Travel is my passion. This is me on a beach in Maui.